#yes he deserved more screen time (no i would not have survived if he had more. he's fucking stunning). but his development is still present

[hauntingofhouses]

arcane s2 spoilers. another caitlyn critical rant because i have Thoughts and i'm Annoyed

can i just say i'm soooo annoyed at how the narrative treats ambessa as the worst most irredeemable person and the one true villain of the series while caitlyn who spent half of s2 as a tyrant in both piltover and zaun is just let off the hook despite them working together for most of that time.

"she didnt MEAN it" but she did do it. she terrorized the people of zaun, she was complicit. yes ambessa was using her but that's because she was so easy to use! ambessa barely had to do much manipulation, barely had to lift a finger for caitlyn to give the green light on all the tactics the militant regime used.

now, see, it's not like i'm AGAINST caitlyn redeeming herself. i'm not. i was ready for her to go down a dark path and for vi to pull her out of it. my gripe is with how it was executed. caitlyn did not deserve it, she didn't DO anything to actually work towards redemption and getting vi's forgiveness.

also caitlyn fans being so ready to just push all the blame onto ambessa is so frustrating because you know what. ambessa is an interesting character. and caitlyn's relationship with ambessa was also super interesting because it paralleled the mother-daughter relationships of caitlyn & counselor kiramman, and mel & ambessa. ambessa elevated caitlyn's character from something akin to stale bread dressed in a girlboss copaganda fit, to something actually intriguing to watch.

but of course all that is thrown away because the show apparently didn't have time to do a full caitlyn redemption arc, which would've further developed the character, while simultaneously unpacking the damage she did to zaun and to vi&jinx's relationship. but nope we didn't get that! instead she betrays ambessa off-screen for the sake of a stupid plot twist and because "she was loyal to vi all along!!!! that's the power of love!!!!" and like i love a good sappy wholesome "power of love" moment, but this wasn't it, man. this came out of nowhere and it just felt so jarring, automatically undoing all of caitlyn's development thus far (a negative arc is still character development). and not only does it somehow just undo all the damage she's done, but also just... brushes past it??? like that girl was wearing a whole ass villain cape and everything and we're just... gonna brush past that? okay.

and look. the thing is, i wouldn't be AS salty about this if the ENDING, at least, was different. like maybe if sevika got a word in during any part of act 3. or if the people of zaun were given more agency in rising up against her regime. OR MAYBE if jinx didn't have to DIE in order for CAITLYN to get her happy ending with vi. and yes, maybe jinx didn't actually die and she did manage to survive, but the people who love and care about her (sevika and ekko) are still left behind, unhappy, while she (presumably) left aboard the airship to who-knows-where. and as a side note i would also like to add that ekko is the fucking boy saviour, the MVP of the entire show who saved EVERYONE from viktor, yet he didn't get a happy ending but was left sitting there all alone, not even with his band of firelights! like come on!

but getting back on subject. the story didn't even show vi properly mourning or acknowledging the loss of her sister in the epilogue. instead more focus is given to caitlyn. no mention of jinx in that last caitvi scene. instead it focuses on caitvi's relationship ("are you still in this fight, violet? / "i'm the dirt under your nails, cupcake. nothing is gonna clean me out." even the episode title is taken from that line). season 2 featured caitlyn as a more major protagonist than vi, with the opening episode and even the closing scenes centering on her. and that, ultimately, is where so much of my frustration towards her character is coming from. it feels like the story of two sisters, vi & jinx, was superceded by caitlyn, and what was initially assumed to be paranoia-induced jealousy from jinx towards caitlyn in season 1 suddenly makes sense. caitlyn entered the picture and immediately jinx is forced out of it, in so many ways.

[thawthebeez]

haikyuu movie so good i'm gonna watch it 30 more times until it is absorbed into my brain

[kakushino]

Smokescreen

Rengoku Kyojuro x GN! Reader

Suppress, smile, survive.

Tags: hurt/comfort Word count: ~1k

Masterlist

AN: This was quite the emotional piece for me to write. I hope yall won't be destroyed by it. Written as a Christmas present to dear @heartbroken4ever ~

The water temperature was just right, the fog rising in the bathroom concealed him from prying eyes should there be any - a smoke screen of sorts - but the tears streaming down his face felt like branding iron, searing an unseen wound into his soul.

His throat was clogged with emotion, his body felt too hot and too cold at the same time, shame burned his cheeks bright red as he gasped for breath quietly. He was choking, drowning, suffocating on the aching mess built up in his core over the weeks, months, years. 

You’re a disgrace.

No, father, please!

Good for nothing.

I just want you to be proud of me!

Get out of my sight.

I just want you to look at me!

He had told Senjuro before that the fire in his heart couldn’t ever be extinguished, that he would never give in…

He wasn’t so sure now.

His heart shrieked in grief, a banshee mourning the loss of his father’s love yet again. He kept hoping and hoping, praying and praying; it was all for naught. Perhaps he was a disgrace, perhaps he was good for nothing, perhaps he should just-

No. He couldn’t give into that. He would fight until his final breath for humanity, though the thought still lingered on his mind.

The Flame Hashira never lashed out, never cried loudly, he never felt he deserved to carve out a place for his sorrow in others’ minds. However, his breath came out in a death rattle, as if his lungs were truly filling up with fluid-

He thought he was being quiet.

“My love?” 

Kyojuro stifled a curse, and forced down everything that had bubbled over from the tightly wound knot of his negative emotions; he put it all away with desperate swiftness belaying his misery.

He never wanted to weigh you down with his baggage after all.

He cleared his throat, and called out “Yes?” in what he hoped was his usual tone. He gathered all the loose strings and forced them back inside, splashing lukewarm water - when had it gotten so cool? - onto his face to wash away the tears.

The slight waver betrayed the state of your partner. “Are you okay? You have been there an hour…” you asked, still at the threshold of the room. It was foggy inside, but you could see your love’s silhouette moving a little. “I’m coming in.”

Kyojuro hoped beyond hope all signs of his distress were gone as he pulled his signature wide smile onto his face like a mask. You already had so much on your plate, how could he burden you with his insignificant worries?

“You are bold today, my love!” His smile stretched into a grin as you walked closer to him, glad to see you, though the ache inside only throbbed more prominently as he suppressed the emotional release he needed.

You, on the other hand, knew something was wrong, and you knew Kyojuro was loath to show any weakness even to you - his partner of over two years. You didn’t want to force him to show vulnerability to you, but you would be damned if he went through it all alone.

You stepped around him silently to hug him from the back as he leaned on the side of the bathtub. His skin was warm, overly so as always, but the water wasn’t, which was telling in a way.

“It’s okay to let go, dearest,” you murmured into his ear, your head nuzzling lightly against his in a cat-like affectionate gesture. Your hands splayed on his chest as you let him remain unseen yet offered him unconditional support. No amount of ‘dirty laundry’ he hid from you would make you leave your Kyojuro.

His face pulled into an ugly expression he was glad you couldn’t see as he tried to hold back his feelings. They pressed against his chest and made it hard to breathe again, his total concentration breathing broken for the second time today. His lungs physically hurt from the suppression.

“I’ve got you,” you said softly. 

Oh how he wished his father held him like you did, how he wished he could say your embrace was enough… It would have to be enough. 

The first choked sob that burst from his chest was loud and echoed in the bathroom. Your heart broke as you cradled him in all the comfort and warmth you could provide to him. More distressing noises left your lover and your arms tightened around him. It hurt to not be able to do anything other than stay as his pillar of support.

Kyojuro pressed his head against yours, cheek to cheek, his breathing ragged as tears fell. 

“Let it all out, love. I’m here,” you whispered reassuringly, caressing his chest briefly before his hands came up to intertwine with yours. He held onto you as if you were his lifeline, clung to you like a lost child in a dark forest. Water soaked your yukata sleeves, but you cared little as you started to rock him slowly. “You don’t have to smile when you don’t feel good… not with me.”

The bath was cold and goosebumps spread across your skin by the time Kyojuro fell into an exhausted silence. You stayed with him the entire time, despite the discomfort of the cold water, despite the awkward position; you stayed and you gave him the love he so desperately needed.

“Never hesitate to lean on me, my love. I’m here with you… I’m here for you. You’re so strong and brave. My warrior… Let it all out, never bottle it in, okay? Shhhh… I love you, Rengoku Kyojuro.”

How could he have thought you weren’t enough to help him through this… He was a fool.

You were his personal Deity of Salvation, and he would stay your reverent worshiper until the day he died. Until his soul crossed the Sanzu river, he would be yours.

dividers made by the awesome @benkeibear Network: @enchantedforest-network

[arctophyllax]

*clears throat* why I think Larian should let us recruit Zevlor:

More people are desperate for Zevlor than I thought at first. We all want to see him happy. We all want him to get all that he deserves and more. He just has SO much potential, he’s such a well written character just for his story to get cut off so suddenly? Thinking about how badly his story was neglected by Larian after they made us so attached breaks my heart. Of all side characters we met along the acts he is undeniably one of the most important and memorable ones; we fought for him, we saved him, we helped him, hells we even get the option to reject his payment for us for helping him and his people.

We practically got nothing out of helping him, especially the ones who reject his payments and i find myself rejecting the payment every single playthrough because i can’t find it in my heart to take something away from people who have nothing left already. If you betray the tieflings you get Minthara- and yes that may cost you certain companions too, but wouldn’t it be fair to be able to have Zevlor at camp if we save his people? At least after we save him in act 2? That way it would still be optional but god I need him so badly, I need to see him happy, I need Larian to let me look after him and take care of him and make sure that he doesn’t drown in sorrow and I know everyone who reads this feels exactly the same.

He went through so much, and every time his hope returned it got shattered to bits again. And it just feels like we’re forced to “give up” on him after we let him wander away in act 2. It doesn’t feel right. It will never feel right. We saw how miserable he was in that pod, how distressed and in pain he was. Common sense would have told us to take him with us. Make sure he fucking survives the night without doing anything stupid. Clean him off the blood and clean him off his worries, all that self hatred.

God, do I so hate to see him in such distress. And while a tiny part of me believes that death might have actually been a small mercy for him I was and will never be ready to give up on him.

Every time I see him on that damned screen, every time he speaks and every time I witness him interact with someone I DON’T see an oathbreaker who failed his people and had to be saved from being consumed by the Absolute. All I see is a competent leader who carries a burden not meant to be carried by one person alone.

This has nothing to do with him being weak. This has nothing to to with him being incompetent or not careful enough. This has nothing to do with any lost faith or broken oath. This has to do with the fact that he is so selfless that he wouldn’t allow himself to share this burden with anyone.

Yes he has (had?) his fellow tieflings, he has Tilses right beside him all of the time. But did he ever open up to her? Does he ever accept any help from his own people while he knows that they are already suffering? Would he EVER allow ANY of these people to carry even a SLIVER of his burden?

No. He would not. He would NEVER let them bear any of those duties, he has seen them in way too much pain already, seen them suffer far too often.

He is the type who gives and gives and gives and he never takes. He doesn’t know how to take, take anything positive.

His past, his comrades, his Hellriders- yes he had them. They gave him as much as he gave them. But they got torn away from him, cruelly and mercilessly.

His people, the refugees, family- he had them. And they gave him the respect and admiration he deserved. But they got torn away from him. Cruelly. Mercilessly.

His saviour, us, Tav- he had us. But we left him. Because we had no choice. We watched him walk of as though it was nothing. Cruelly. Because we could do nothing else.

And yes, I will always see red at that. Because we SHOULD be able to do better. We shouldn’t be just another loss for him.

And I will personally fistfight Larian if it meant hope for just a single chance at giving Zevlor what he never allowed himself to have: stability, encouragement. Someone he can rely on and share his burden with. A rest. Peace.

(Larian do you hear me I am under your bed we are going to fight)

(Scratch would like him to stay at camp, too)

(And what Scratch wants, Scratch gets. Right?)

(No because when you talk to Scratch the second time at camp during the tiefling party he actually says that he wouldn’t mind if you kept the tieflings at camp… trust me, Scratch, i wouldn’t mind either)

…I’d honestly die for him who’s with me

[thatguyisdrowning]

thoughts on arcane season 2

spoilers below

season 2 was definitely giving "trying to wrap up an insanely large cast of characters stories in only 9 episodes" and none of them were really given the care they deserved. it all happened so fast that it was a little confusing at first.

the entire isha thing feels so manufactured. she just appears, "fixes" jinx, then dies/is implied to have died but we don't actually know for certain because we never see her death. and then there's the entire lack of any proper mention of her in act 3. where did she come from? where did she go? where did she come from cotton eye joe? why did warwick survive but not isha if he was the one to actually get shot?

jinx also seemed to mellow out far too quickly, i think if we had a third season and it was spread out more it would feel more authentic. i was expecting her to lose it again in the aftermath of isha's death but she didn't. yes, grief to the point of not caring about herself anymore and just wanting to get vi (the only person she has left) to safety makes sense however it doesn't match up with anything we've seen from jinx in the past. if she'd had a longer time getting to be happy with her family of 4 and healing herself it'd make more sense but she didn't. i think a downward spiral before some sort of realization that she doesn't want to be like this anymore/doesn't want to harm other children like isha/something along those lines would have been more conducive to a well rounded story and conclusion when it comes to the isha/jinx relationship. but for this to happen, we needed more time.

the way jinx's character was written, the way her story played out, it would have made sense for her to take her own life and been a satisfying conclusion. however, because i know she didn't actually die i'm pleased she didn't commit suicide because i like her, her character, her champion, and her story and i want to be able to see more of it all in future projects from riot. and for that to happen the "death" needed to be a little uncertain. the "oh no the metal beam is breaking, guess i better sacrifice myself to save my sister" trope is very overused and hard to do well because of that, but i did like the way they implied jinx was still alive at the end.

jayce and viktor's story was confusing and rushed, while also being the main focal point and the most fleshed out story of the whole show. if viktor knew he and jayce were meant to be together in every timeline, why was he trying to fuck shit up? again, if we had more time in the form of a third season or perhaps longer episodes in season 2, we would have seen their story explored in more depth and had a greater understanding of it.

vi's character was watered down by the inclusion of a single line: "i am the dirt under your nails, cupcake." as something said in passing it wouldn't have held as much weight, but this was one of the last things she said on screen. it essentially boils her character down to nothing but a supporting character for caitlyn when the entire series began and ended with vi and jinx's relationship.

"are you still in this fight, violet?" what fight? against jinx? no, caitlyn seems to have forgiven her and as far as we know vi still thinks she's dead. against noxus? no, mel's in charge (but is she? we see swain make an appearance...) against the undercity? no, they've made peace and sevika is on the council. against singed? no, he's saved his daughter so will live happily ever after now, right? against jayce and viktor? no, they had some weird story conclusion and also died in the astral realm, killing their earthly bodies but realistically they could have survived. i don't want them to have survived, but they could have. all i can think is either she was referring to their relationship OR to their future as enforcers which would make sense in the league lore.

the death of 4 major characters (not including heimer or jinx i'm 100% sure they arent dead) and what it means for the lore and their champions is just??? brushed over??? their champions almost definitely won't be removed but a tiny part of me wishes they would be for continuity and lore reasons.

i wish we were given more insight into what noxus is like now after ambessa's death. mel is seen to be ruling now but in the league lore, swain is the ruler of noxus. it's common knowledge that arcane lore is replacing league lore where necessary/sometimes where it isn't necessary, so it wouldn't make sense but would be easily passed off if we just didn't see any mention of swain, but we do see him (or to be specific, one of his ravens). while i wish we were given some clarity here, i think it was a smart move to not explicity reveal who swain is because to those who know it all but confirms the villian for the next netflix series set in runeterra, but it also leaves the venue open for the story to take an entirely different path, because arcane only fans won't know who he is, and for the league fans it can somehow be passed off as an irrelevant appearance in arcane.

some other points i don't have fully fleshed out thoughts/opinions on:

i would've liked to have seen more of felicia's story

i don't think jayvik should've kissed, the forehead touch was just as, if not more meaningful

the story of singed's daughter wasn't explored as much as it should have been, especially considering it's a huge part of why shimmer was ever created and of the pre-existing league lore

while there are parts of the story i found unsatisfying, i'm totally in love with all of the characters and the artistry. while almost all of the female leads fit perfectly into specific overused tropes, they turned those tropes on their head and executed them well. the women in arcane are attractive but they all have agency. ekko is the best side character ever written. they wrote the "morally grey" characters really well. it's plain to see the writers spent so much time and energy on creating these perfect characters. the artists knocked it out of the park, arcane is the most visually appealing animated show i've ever seen. arcane is a masterpiece in so many ways and i look forward to seeing what's to come :)

if you've read this far, first of all go outside (kidding of course), and second, let me know your thoughts and if you agree/disagree. if you have any theories on what's to come next, let me know!

[solarwoniii]

PLAYING ROBLOX WITH THEM ! zb1

fluff, crack, :D

★ my perm taglist ; @hunbun07 @metalchick529 @chewryy @haesunflower @iraa567 !

⋆ -- jiwoong ; natural disaster survival

hes a big big big boomer so hes just confused the whole time

so ofc because youre such a kind s/o you choose a game where random things happen every two seconds and dont tell him at all how it works

POOR BABIE HES SO CONFUSED THE WHOLE TIME

tries following you around so he can survive the disasters but every time you purposely lead him to inevitable death

gets all mad and sulky bc ure 'being mean😠😠😠' so u eventually feel bad and help him get a win and hes so excited

every time u guys play roblox together after that he asks to play 'that one game with the tornados and the hurricanes'

AWWWJDIJNJXXNJJXSSI HES SO CUTE

⋆ -- zhanghao ; adopt me

scams little kids and refuses to share the pets he gets from it

runs away from u and locks you out of his house 😠😠

finally agrees to give you one of the pets if you give him something else in return

ENDS UP SCAMMING YOU AS WELL

you start a petition on the server and everyone starts reporting him

he gets his account banned for two weeks but he still claims it was worth it

⋆ -- hanbin ; work at a pizza place

awwww what a cute little wholesome couple activity aww

no. absolutely not.

the ENTIRE TIME you both are competing over who is better at each job.

'oh u delivered to that house? well guess what, i delivered to THREE in the time u did one'

'oh u boxed a few pizzas? well guess what, i boxed SIX in the time u did that.'

'oh u served a customer at the drive thru? well guess what, i served THAT ENTIRE LINE in the time u did that.'

he always somehow wins the little competitions and will not refrain from bragging in your face.

⋆ -- matthew ; fashion famous

touched on this here (nsfw post ! minors dont click)

its just the both of you bullying each other and competing like its the hunger games

'YOU COPIED ME!!' 'WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT I HAD THIS FIRST!!'

u guys get so mad when the other person wins

'I DESERVED THAT MORE THAN YOU DID!!!' 'WELL WHO WON LOSER?? WHO WON??/? THATS RIGHT I WON'

i swear it would be so fun playing together

probably your favourite way to spend time w each other

⋆ -- taerae ; royale high

hes classy what can i say yall

dresses up as an expensive prince and forces you to be his princess

he is somehow so crazy advanced at this game its scary

ofc he does share his riches with you 😍😍 gives you free stuff all the time

the two of you troll people tgt

but hes too nice so he ends up apologising for all the chaos that his s/o caused after a while (yes he blames it all on u)

⋆ -- ricky ; bloxburg

when he asked you to play bloxburg with him, you were excited to show off all your cool houses and how rich you were

. . . and then you saw his houses and his riches

IS SO ANNOYING will not stop flexing to you

takes u on a cute little date to pizza planet . . . and then leaves before paying 🙄

but ofc he was stupid and gave u builder perms on his house

so as payback you hung up photo frames everywhere with this photo

when he finds your damage he screams. literally screams the loudest scream you have ever heard him scream.

changes the double bed he placed in the bedroom for the both of you into two single beds placed on completely opposite sides of the room 😔😔😔 refuses to sleep beside you until u write him a formal apology

⋆ -- gyuvin ; zombie attack

U DO THAT THING WHERE WHEN YOU DIE YOU TURN INTO A ZOMBIE AND GO OVER AND ATTACK HIM TO FUCK W HIM

AND HE'S SO CONFUSED LMFAOAOOA

'WHY IS THIS ONE JUMPING !?!?!??!?!'

'ITS KILLING ME AAA'

'Y/N WHERE ARE U WHY ARENT U HELPING MEEEEEE'

when he finally looks on ur screen and realises YOU'RE the jumpy one hes so mad

the next round he purposely collects each and every zombie and then he goes and makes them all follow you LMFAOOO and then he gets himself killed so he can give you a little taste of your own medicine.

⋆ -- gunwook ; copyrighted artists

HELP MEE HIS DRAWINGS WLD BE SO FUNNY

also the type to cover your eyes if u guys come across one of those pp drawings..

and yet he always somehow tricks you into voting for his drawings

'oooohh that one is so nice i think it's the original' 'omg the others look so dumb i'm gonna pick to one in the middle' 'the other ones didn't even try this ones clearly the original'

LMFAOOO and he is so good at guessing which ones are yours

the trickster cannot be tricked

when you try and lie he catches it right away

'you always smile like that when you lie' 'i know how you draw stupid'

he knows u a lil too well 🙄🙄

⋆ -- yujin ; arsenal

BEATS UR ASS 💀💀 MULTIPLE TIMES 💀💀💀💀

has u begging for mercy (holds that shit over your head for the rest of your life)

'y/n ure so bad at this' 'SHUT UP I DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT IT'

he literally does not even try and you're dead.

his team is thriving because of him whilst your team is dying because of you . . . polar opposites

sometimes when you're sad or you're not feeing well he'll let you win on purpose tho :(( and he'll pretend to be all bummed for u when u rub it into his face AAAA

[universitysunflowers]

Ok I've had some time to process heres my detailed thoughts (TBB spoilers)

First I want to get my biggest issue with the finale out of the way - Tech and CX-2. I have been delusional about him but not to the point that I wouldn't accept his death or other clones as CX-2, and I was staying open. But then they went and did exactly what I hoped they wouldn't: they gave us no confirmation of his identity at all and left him thumbtacked to a wall with no face reveal. Not only is this exactly what they did in Ahsoka, but I also feel like it left a huge gap in the finale storyline. They put so much emphasis on him throughout season 3, including the last episode, and we got nothing out of it. I also felt like this made Tech's death kind of meaningless?? Which I absolutely hate saying because of what he sacrificed in season 2, but why kill him when the rest of the batch gets to live happily on Pabu and grow old with Omega? Maybe the writers had a good reason and I just didn't pick up on it?

I also felt like we were gaslit into thinking it was Tech, only for the ending to imply he's been gone the whole time. Domicile? Phee? CX-2's fight with Crosshair and the waterfall? the way he got the most screen time out of a group that was so clearly meant to be an imperial reflection of the original squad? Idk guys I feel like we got cheated there.

I also wish we got some idea of what happened to Wolffe and Cody, but maybe that is an opening for another show? perhaps?

Ok now that that is out of the way I can talk about how much I absolutely loved the rest of the finale.

Emerie's character development was amazing I've been routing for her since the season 2 finale and you know those Jango Fett genes are coming in strong she will take such good care of those kids for as long as they need. I also think it would be cool to see her again in future productions, her character definitely has potential.

Echo survived!! All the parallels between him and CW season 6 Fives had me terrified that he was about to die but that arc trooper experience paid off. His reaction to Omega freeing the zillo is by far one of my favorite parts of the episode he was so proud of her and I was glad to see him work so well with Emerie. I am also fully ready to enjoy Echo and Rex leading a clone rebellion whenever they deem us deserving of it (looking at you Filoni). I know we don't have proof of anything but there are still to many unanswered questions surrounding the clones, I hope they finish those storylines.

The last Domino is still standing, they would be so proud of him (and his dad jokes).

Hemlock finally got what he deserved and oh I was so happy that Hunter was the one who did it, especially after all the batch went through because of him. And what came after that? Even better. We finally got a Crosshair and Omega hug (plus Hunter) and they all made it off Tantiss alive I mean what more could we ask for?

I have so many feelings on the ending and the epilogue and I'm not really sure how to put them into words but my first instinct when I finished the episode was to spend 40 minutes c r y i n g

they got a happy ending? they have peace and happiness on Pabu and got to see Omega grow up? Omega is going to fly with the rebellion and fight back against the empire?

and Tech will be with her the whole time???

I am unwell. This has left me emotionally unstable. Not only is that the best ending I could have hoped for given the past seasons but it is also such an amazing last look at their family. No matter how you think of them you have to admit Hunter was right, she is their kid and that will never change. That line alone will be living in my head rent free from here on out. Her last talk with Hunter was so well done and is one of the best moments in the whole show, but honestly Tech's goggles on her ship's dash is what broke me; he would be so proud of her I need at least 3-5 business days to process this.

Yes I have my issues with the unfinished storylines but wow that finale was something I don't think I will ever recover from. It may be one of the best endings we have ever seen in star wars. Like I said, I have a lot feelings and if I tried to put them all in a post it would have to be a multi-volume novel.

If you made it this far thank you! Feel free to add your own thoughts I like hearing what other people have to say. I'm just going to go burrow straight into the ground now and pretend I don't have finals next week because honestly who can be productive after something like that?

Oddly enough this is making me want to go back and watch the Clone Wars again, maybe Rebels too? Definitely making me nostalgic.

[natrogersfics]

The Anthology - Chapter 2: Fortnight

Artwork by @faith2nyc Read on AO3

Did you have an early call-time that I missed? Haven’t heard from you all day. Getting a little worried… Nat, where are you? Please answer the phone.

She’s not a morning person.

Of all the things Steve knows about Natasha Romanoff, that’s one fact he’s certain he can bet his life on. It’s why waking up to an empty bed yesterday was such a jarring experience, especially since he’ll be hard-pressed to pinpoint the last time it happened. And as he looks down at his phone, reading through all his texts to her that have gone unanswered, he can only run a hand wearily over his face.

Natasha had been an enigma from the very moment he’d met her on the set of The Avengers years ago. He had heard a lot about his first-time costar, sure – it was hard not to know of the prodigious child actor who would eventually go on to become box office royalty in no time at all. But with the limited amount of screentime they shared then, it’s not as though he’d gotten the chance to get to know her. It's for that reason that he had jumped at the opportunity when, after their first table read for The Winter Soldier, their directors had suggested that they spend time together outside of set.

It wouldn’t be hyperbolic to say that getting to know Natasha has been profound in every aspect. Nevertheless, it hadn’t been an easy process. Despite her vast body of work and the many stories the media has written, speculating untruthfully about her life more often than not as he would learn, the mysterious and seemingly impenetrable aura about her that intrigued so many remained. It’s only through their late-night conversations, often seated on the floor of their temporary living rooms and a bottle of whatever they could find passed between them, that he had finally come to realize that her mystique is all to do with all the armor she carries. Armor that, despite how ruthless this business is, has allowed her to survive. To thrive. The concept was foreign to him, of course. He’s an open book, has been from the very first time he entered the industry and donned the glimmering shield of Captain America. But that too was a privilege, he had found out. While he’s made some mistakes along the way, none of them have been heightened, underscored, and thrown back at him at lightspeed quite like hers have.

In all honesty, he’s still not sure what he did to deserve to see what’s underneath all her sacred protection. To get a glimpse into just how heavy and exhausting it is to have to constantly carry it around. Even so, he’s glad to have the honor. For as grim a sight as it can be, mixed in with all the pain and loneliness are also the most beautiful parts of her that very few get to see. To the rest of the world, Natasha Romanoff is the captivating bombshell on their magazine covers. The striking, perfect face and the husky, seductive voice behind some of the most alluring characters to grace the big screen. And yes, he sees those facets of her, too. But beyond that, Natasha to him is the epitome of what it is to be beautifully human. She has loved. She has lost. She’s made mistakes and made them again. And while she’s not always afforded the same time and space to learn from her missteps as others, she’s always risen from the ashes – even if that’s meant she’s had to keep her heart under lock and key.

The last thought elicits a sigh from him. She rarely speaks about her past, but he didn’t need to hear the entire story to know that she’s had her heart eviscerated enough times to last her a lifetime. And it’s not as though her heart is something he expects of her now. He wasn’t expecting anything at all when they had fallen into… whatever this thing between them is now. But he’d be lying if he said he hasn’t felt something shift. Almost as if their touches have lingered, their kisses growing hungrier in the absence of their ability to speak the words. He can’t help but wonder if she had felt that, too. If that’s the reason she felt the need to run away from the warmth of his bed that morning.

The need for clarity cuts through him like a blade through the softest of flesh, and he finds himself reaching for his phone once more. “Natasha,” he all but pleads when his call goes straight to voicemail. “Please talk to me.”

A gasp falls from Widow’s lips as her back hits the wall. Before her, Captain America stares her down, his eyes blazing with fury. “Where is it?”

“Safe,” she says practically through gritted teeth.

“Do better!”

Her eyes narrow. “Where did you get it?”

“Why would I tell you?”

“Fury gave it to you. Why?”

“What's on it?”

“I don't know.”

Unconvinced, Captain America’s grip on her arms tightens. “Stop lying!”

“I only act like I know everything, Cap.”

“I bet you knew Fury hired the pirates, didn't you?”

“Well, it makes sense,” she acquiesces. “The ship was dirty, Fury needed a way in, so do you.”

“I'm not gonna ask you again,” he hisses.

“I know who killed Fury,” she whispers, prompting his hold on her to loosen. “Most of the intelligence community doesn't believe he exists, the ones who do call him the Winter Soldier. He's credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years.”

“So he's a ghost story,” he concludes.

“Five years ago, I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran. Somebody shot out my tires near Odessa. We lost control, went straight over a cliff, I pulled us out, but the Winter Soldier was there. I was covering my engineer, so he shot him straight through me…” She pulls up her shirt to show him the scar on the side of her stomach. “Soviet slug, no rifling.” She lets her lips curl into the slightest of smirks. “Bye-bye bikinis.”

“Yeah,” he deadpans. “I bet you look terrible in them now.”

“And cut!”

Natasha would never show it, but for the first time since her day started, it’s as though she can finally catch her breath as she steps away from Steve to look at the men behind the camera. “Did you want us to go again?”

“No, we’re good,” Joe, one-half of their directing duo, says. “We got the take.”

“That’s a wrap for you two today,” Anthony chimes in.

She doesn’t argue, and despite feeling Steve’s gaze heavy on her, she doesn’t dare look his way as she nods at both directors and makes a beeline for her trailer. She’s halfway there when she hears hurried footfalls behind her.

“Natasha,” Steve calls out, but she keeps walking. His voice grows louder. “Natasha, wait!”

“What do you want, Steve?” she asks as she whips around, crossing her hands over her chest. The question comes out harsher than she’d intended, and she regrets it immediately when she sees the hurt flash in his eyes.

“What do I want?” he says, expression incredulous. “Nat, I haven’t heard from you in days, and now you can’t get away from me fast enough.” He takes a step towards her, leaving mere inches between them. “Did I do something wrong?”

She looks away from him at that. She’s read his every text. Listened to every voicemail he’s left her, and then listened to it again. And now, as she stands before him, hearing the agony in his voice up close and personal, she wants nothing more than to tell him the truth. To let him know that this is killing her, too.

As his question hangs in the air between them, she feels his hand encircle her wrist. “Natasha,” he whispers, running his thumb gently over her tripping pulse. “Baby, I-”

Her head snaps to him then. He’s never called her that, at least not outside the safety of either of their beds, that, coupled with the concern thick in his stare, she feels her restraint begin to waver like a house of cards in a gust of wind.

No.

She yanks her hand away and out of his touch, shaking her head. “I have nothing to say to you.”

As she walks away, she keeps her eyes downturned, certain that another glance at him will all but make her resolve crumble. It’s only when she’s finally in the solace of her trailer that she leans her back against the door, bringing her hands to her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

[tommykinard217]

Don't Turn And Run

A bucktommy fix it fic

Read it here on AO3

Tommy knew he was a coward at heart. Sure, he was in the army and he can fly planes and helicopters in some of the most stressful situations imaginable, but that didn't matter. 

When he worked under Gerrard, he was a coward. He let his own fear of being seen turn him into someone he could barely look at in the mirror. 

He's said shit he didn't mean for brownie points from a man hellbent on making everyone feel miserable and small. 

But he liked to think he was getting better. That he confronted that toxic shit inside himself and purged it bit by bit. 

Yet there he was, staring at the elevator in Evan’s building, his warped reflection in the metal surface of the closed doors taunting him. 

Here he was. Being a coward once again. All he knew how to do was turn and run, at the core of himself. 

Stare at the edge of something good and run away from it. 

From Evan. 

But he knew from experience that he didn't get the happy ever after. It's why he liked romcoms so much. Living vicariously through the men and women on his screen. Crazy, dramatic acts of love. Kisses in the rain and hanging from a ferris wheel and tender declarations of love. That wasn't for him, no matter how much he wanted it to be.

He wasn't the one people ended up with.

He had been at peace with that. Until he met Evan. And God. He could never have predicted just how deeply he would have fallen in love with that sweet, eager, ridiculous man. 

But he did. And that's why he had to leave, even if it just confirmed the truth. That he was a coward and he wasn't the guy who got a happy ever after. 

The elevator doors had finally opened, and he once again stared at his warped reflection from inside the elevator. 

The look on Evan’s face was going to haunt him for the rest of his life, he knew it. But the pain wouldn't last forever for Evan. Not like it would for Tommy. Already the pain in his chest felt like it was going to swallow him whole. 

He couldn't imagine how much more it would have hurt if this happened after he moved in with Evan. After he let himself get complacent and think “yes, maybe this is it.” 

He couldn't survive that. He was already in too deep when it came to Evan. Every step away, every floor down, made it harder and harder to breathe. 

Thankfully the doors opened before he really started to hyperventilate though he still had to take a moment and try to steady himself.

This is what was best. For the both of them.

Buck can find someone better, more worthy of his love and admiration. And Tommy won't have to be the one in too deep yet still not enough. 

After a moment, thankful no one else was there to witness Tommy's heart breaking in real time because of his own cowardice, he steeled himself and walked out of the building. 

To his surprise, it was raining. Downpouring, actually. He couldn't even remember if there had been clouds when he arrived. He guessed Mother Nature wanted to give him a physical reminder of his misery, as if the hollowed feeling in his chest wasn't enough. 

As he walked towards his truck, the too good parking spot practically mocking him, he heard something.

The opening of doors.

“Tommy!” 

Evan. 

He couldn't help but stop. Couldn't help but turn, looking at Evan suddenly running towards him, his breath hitching and the rain blurring his vision. 

As Evan caught up to him, he stumbled to a stop. Tommy was already drenched, Evan was getting there, the rain slowly soaking into his curls and his clothes. 

“Look, Ev-Buck, I-” He tried to make out before Evan glared at him and opened his own mouth to speak.

“Yeah, no. You already said enough. I deserve to speak. You owe me that much.” Tommy watched as Evan crossed his arms, standing his ground, and he could only concede. 

“Okay, you're right, go ahead. I'm listening.” 

“First of all, you're kinda being a dick about this. I'm in my thirties! I pay taxes! I know what I want, and you don't get to decide otherwise.” Evan stated, and God, even angry and soaked to the bone he was gorgeous. Tommy couldn't stop looking at him, drinking him in, memorizing this moment down to it's finest details. 

“You're right, Buck-” and suddenly he was being interrupted again. 

“Don’t. Stop calling me that.” Evan seemed to get closer somehow, pointing his finger so that it was just inches from poking Tommy in the chest. 

“Besides, I'm not done. I don't, I don't know why you're so certain I'm going to break your heart, why you think I'd leave you after we moved in together but that's not fair. You're the one breaking my heart, right now, all because you think I might break yours later on. That's not fair, Tommy.” Evan's voice had turned into a plea at the end, cracking on the word fair and that nearly shattered Tommy's own heart.

It's not like Evan was wrong. By protecting his own heart, he was clearly breaking Evan’s. But Evan would move on. Tommy doesn't think he could.

“I'm not someone's forever, Evan.” And even just saying his name felt like a mercy he didn't deserve. “I'm not your forever.” 

And that seemed to spark a rage in Evan that Tommy had never seen. 

“No! No, you don't get to say that, you don't get to decide that. I'm not a kid, Tommy. I-I know what being in love feels like. And I know that even when I was in love, I-I could never really see a future with them. We move in together and that's-that's where it would end for me. But you, Tommy, I saw. No, I see a future with you. I see buying furniture and-and setting it up, and getting a dog, and-” he trails off, out of breath and shivering from the rain.

Fuck, what were they thinking, hashing this out in the rain? He didn't even think he had a jacket in his truck that he could offer Evan. 

“Evan, let's get you back inside, you're going to get sick like this.” He reached out to touch him, and Evan grabbed his hand, holding onto it tightly. 

“No. I'm not done. Not until you listen.” 

Tommy sighed, worry and frustration leaking into the sound. “I'm listening, I promise. But I'd really rather you not catch a cold.” 

Evan's grip onto his hand seemed to tighten, and his stance seemed to hold even more firmly. “You'll just have to take care of me then. Because I'm not letting you go. You love me. I know you do, this is that whole ‘if you love something, let it go’ thing and I'm not letting you let me go.” Suddenly Evan is so close he can practically feel his breath. “Don't turn and run away from me, Tommy. Please.” 

Tommy took in the sight of Evan. Soaked through, angry, and so beautiful. He had two choices, he knew. Turn and run, or leap off the edge with Evan regardless of where it would leave them. What Evan said, about building furniture together and getting a dog. God, he wanted nothing more than that. 

Tommy was a coward at heart, and this somehow seemed more terrifying than any flight. 

He thought of his reflection in those elevator doors. Warped and heartbroken from his own choices. 

He thought of Evan, still holding onto his hand, more pleas about to fall from his lips. 

“Okay.”

Evan blinked. “What?”

“Okay. We'll do this. I won't give up on us. I'm done being a coward.” 

Suddenly all the strength seemed to fall away from Evan as he slumped against Tommy, sighing in what sounded like relief. “Good. Good.” 

“Evan.” Tommy said, slowly tilting his head up with his fingers, so reminiscent to their first kiss. “I'm sorry I was a coward. I love you. So much it scares me. I couldn't stand losing you.”

He seemed to laugh a little at that, a wry strangled sound. “Yeah, and you almost did. Good thing I'm stubborn.” And then Evan's mouth is on his, cold and wet but so perfect. He leans into the kiss, letting Evan take what he wants from it and giving it back in equal measure. 

The kiss was slow. Gentle. More like an ‘I'm here, I'm staying’ from both of them than anything else. After a few moments, Tommy pulled away just slightly, though he kept Evan’s body close to him. “Okay, can I get you inside now before you die of consumption?” 

Evan rolled his eyes, smiling wide regardless. “Yeah, there's better ways to be wet, I think. Like in a hot shower.” 

Tommy let out a laugh, nudging Evan gently as they start to walk towards the building’s doors. “Yeah, and after that nice, hot shower, we're going to be talking more about what this means for us.”

“Oh, so now you want to communicate.” Evan teased. 

“Yeah, I probably should have heard you out before running like a bat out of hell, I unfortunately still have the tendency of acting like the same scared asshole I was way back when.” They were in the building now, the temperate temperature a stark contrast to their rain soaked bodies. 

“Please don't run next time, Tommy. I know I came on too strong with the-with the whole moving in thing, but I didn't deserve that.” Evan’s voice was quiet as he pressed the button to call the elevator. 

Tommy sighed, his heart aching at what he had just put the love of his life through. Because that's what Evan was, even though he just did a really shit job of showing it. “I won't, sweetheart. I promise.” 

As they walked into the elevator, Tommy watched as the doors closed, revealing his and Evan’s reflection. Evan's arm wrapped around Tommy's waist, like he was afraid Tommy would somehow turn and run again even stuck in an elevator. 

But he was done being a coward, he was done running. 

Whatever future they were leading to, he was going to seize with both hands. 

The elevator doors opened, and they walked into the hallway. Into Evan’s apartment. Into whatever the future was. Whatever forever might lead them.

[use-your-telescope]

When Everything's Made to be Broken - Chapter 18: You Were in the Darkness, Too

Summary: The aftermath of the attack on the Metropolitan Museum of Art. 

Author’s Note: So… I meant to post a chapter two days ago, then Sunday morning I woke up and was like “nope I need to re-do some of this because I think it’ll be better if a certain event happens ‘on screen,’ so to speak.” Long story short, two days later, here we are! I feel like Oprah - “you get world building, you get back story reveal, you get plot progression, you get super self-indulgent hurt-comfort (maybe a bit more hurt in this chapter, but have no fear there is LOADS more comfort where this came from)!” 

Another random note - back when I started posting snippets on the beloved hellsite, this song initially was set with an entirely different chapter. Then I concluded it worked much better here. So if you have been around for long enough that you’re like “hold up a minute!” when you see the song and what happens here, that’s why. Tbh, I think most of the songs that were paired up with chapters have changed since I initially posted snippets. That’s the beauty of drafts, I guess? Anyways, thanks for your patience, and hope you enjoy <3 reblogs are always appreciated, and lmk if you want to be added to the tag list!

Contents: Descriptions of vomiting, in relation to describing a migraine. Nightmares. Tears. Loki being the actual MVP. 

Word Count: 5,913

Read on AO3 | When Everything's Made to be Broken Masterlist

Song: Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

A falling star fell from your heart And landed in my eyes I screamed aloud as it tore through them And now it’s left me blind

Some types of pain could be relieved with medicine.

Others… not so much.

From the moment Theo found Chris outside of the Met, standing amidst the crowd of attendees in a makeshift triage area that had been set up by blocking off 5th Avenue, she could sense a difference in the way he looked at her. He didn’t rush towards her; instead, he approached slowly, scanning over her appearance with wide eyes and the color actively draining from his face. When they met in the middle, Chris reached out as if he wanted to embrace Theo, but he froze with hands hovering inches away from her body, as if he was afraid to touch her.  

Even as Theo promised she was fine and that Chris shouldn’t worry – even as she checked him over, asking if he was okay, the short, half-hearted answers and the cold, wary look in his eyes didn’t diminish; instead of embracing her, he lowered his arms and stepped back, putting even more distance between them. 

He looked at her the same way the council looked at her: as an abomination, a curse. 

The exchange, however, was cut short - one of the medics employed by Stark to work with the Avengers spotted Theo and rushed over to request her help treating some of the most critical patients, who otherwise would not survive transport to the nearest hospital. 

So, Theo pushed the raw ache that settled in her chest to the back of her mind, ignored the churning of her stomach and the pounding in her skull, and set about treating the worst of the injuries, even if it meant she would blow past her limits and pay the price later on. There was a physical cost to using magic, and with healing that cost was much higher - particularly when the scope of healing required was practically bringing someone back from the dead. 

However, between someone dying or inducing a migraine from overexertion of magic, Theo would choose the migraine every time. At least when she healed, some good could come from her magic. Did it make her suffer? Yes, but she probably deserved it after everything.

And boy, she was suffering.

By the time she left, the only people who remained beyond the emergency response crews were paparazzi, lurking around the perimeter like predators stalking prey as they attempted to capture glimpses of the aftermath. They pounced at the sight of Theo, bloodied and drained after what was meant to be a celebratory occasion turned to a nightmare. Each burst of flash felt like an icepick to her skull and left her wishing she had enough energy to teleport herself home. Theo lifted one hand in a futile attempt to block some of the light, only for the shouting of the photographers to ricochet through her eardrums and into her skull. 

How Theo survived the ride back to the tower without throwing up from motion sickness, she wasn’t sure. By some miracle she made it back to her suite, only to make it a few steps inside the door before the nausea and sensitivity to light and sound made her beeline for the bathroom, scolding herself for her earlier recklessness as she dove for the toilet and prepared to empty the contents of her stomach. 

Over the sound of her retching, Theo didn’t hear her phone ring. Because her head was buried in the porcelain bowl of the toilet, she didn’t see the screen light up with Chris’s name. 

As the nausea faded, Theo remained firmly in place, bent over the toilet bowl with both arms stretched across the top of the toilet seat. Once she knew she wasn’t going to be sick, Theo carefully eased herself down to lay on the floor, having spent the last of her energy throwing up. 

Laying in her bed would have been more pleasant, but the thought of moving sent waves of churning heat through Theo’s stomach and made her entire body ache. Besides, the cool tile felt great against her uncomfortably warm skin and it was tolerable enough for her to pass out without even realizing she’d done so.

It was the vibration of Theo’s phone rattling on the floor that dragged her back to the world of the living, only to find she somehow felt even worse than when she passed out earlier. In her half-asleep stupor, Theo clumsily grabbed the phone from where she had tossed it as an afterthought. A wince snuck out as the light of the screen stabbed through Theo’s head; she squinted, trying to make sense of the contents on the screen.

The culprit was a text from Wanda, stating “you okay??”  and then including what looked like a link. But Theo didn’t open the text right away - a different notification on her lock screen caught her eye. A voicemail from Chris, from right around the time Theo got back to the tower, elicited a sense of foreboding dread from Theo that she couldn’t ignore.

With shaking fingers, Theo unlocked her phone and went to her voicemail. She selected the message, relying on the speech to text feature to read the contents of the message instead of listening.

“Hey, it’s Chris. I’d been hoping you would answer, but I guess it is what it is. Look, I’ve been thinking - I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I know it’s cliché, but I mean it when I say it’s not you - it’s me.”

Even if Theo knew it was coming, reading the words still made her sick to her stomach. 

“I know that you’ll always have to put your work as an Avenger first - I’ve always known that. I wouldn’t ask you to try and choose between being an Avenger and our relationship. But tonight, I saw you fighting, and I realized what it really means to date an Avenger, and– it’s too much. I can’t do it. If there’s stuff you left at my apartment, I’ll send it back to you. I’m sorry, Theo. Take care.”

Theo barely finished reading the transcription before bile clawed up from her stomach. She gagged, scrambling to her knees and barely managing to get into position before she threw up, this time expelling nothing but stomach acid in the process. 

Between the cramping of her abdominal muscles, the burning in her throat, the pounding in her skull, the uncomfortable heat of her skin, and the aches radiating from her bones, Theo was miserable enough. The voicemail, however - that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

A gasp escaped from Theo before she could stop it, then a whimper. Her eyes were leaking - no, water poured from them. She tried to cover her face with her hands as a whine escaped her throat, but she couldn’t stop the sobs that shook her entire body. Moving was painful - crying was painful - but the ache inside of her was far worse than any physical discomfort.

She should have known it would end like this. This was always what happened when people got to know her - they realized she was no good, and then they abandoned her. Thinking this time would be any different was stupid. Even if she told herself that whatever she had with Chris was nothing serious, it didn’t make the fact that he saw her for the curse she was, and he left.

They always leave.

And the worst part? Theo wasn’t angry at Chris for leaving. As much as she hated when the council looked at her like the curse she was, she could understand why. Her family deserved better. The Aneterrans deserved better. They all deserved better than her. 

Chris didn’t know the extent of the bullet he dodged, but he knew enough to make the smart decision and leave before he got hurt.  

By the time the tears stopped, Theo felt like a mess through and through. She didn’t even want to think about what she looked like - eyes swollen, hair tangled, makeup smudged, her skin still sticky with dried blood, and her armor torn from fighting. 

She needed a shower, and then a real bed.

As tempting as it was to lay back down on the floor and continue to wallow, the desire to feel less disgusting won out. 

Theo sat on the floor as she peeled the layers of armor off her body, only standing when she absolutely had to in order to remove her pants. The addition of vertigo meant that she spent most of the short time beneath the spray of cool water leaning against a wall, eventually sliding down to sit on the shower floor when her legs grew too tired to support her weight. 

The process of drying and dressing in pajamas required multiple pauses - one to be sick again, the others a result of aching limbs and muscles trembling from prolonged exertion. It took a herculean effort, but Theo finally made it to her bed, falling asleep before she even had a chance to pull the covers over herself.

The stars, the moon, They have all been blown out You left me in the dark No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight In the shadow of your heart

Once a bustling metropolis, Meridia had been known for its opulence and innovation. The streets were packed with vendors peddling their latest inventions and entertainers attempting to woo the staff of the royal court in hopes of securing an audience with the king and queen. 

That Meridia was no more.

Theo stood in the center of a barren flagstone street, blanketed in the dark of a new moon. Broken glass clung to the window frames of weathered stone buildings long-abandoned, just one trace of the city’s descent into madness. Adjusting her mask, Theo pressed forward, relying on muscle memory to carry her into the underbelly of the city she once called home. 

Theo used to sneak onto those very streets with her cousins, placing bets on which performers would successfully charm whoever was tasked with the day’s errands. Sneaking amongst the city was how Theo first learned her governess had a crush with the Apothecary’s son, always traveling to him whenever she needed some sort of potion or supplies for Theo’s lessons. Theo also once caught Ravenna performing to a crowd while in disguise, though Theo immediately recognized her sister and used the knowledge as blackmail. If she listened close enough, she could hear faint traces of musicians’ voices in the wind.

A chill wracked her body. 

Throughout the streets, navy fog shimmered, emitting an iridescent glow as it weaved in and out of the alleys around her. When she left, this neighborhood had yet to be tainted by the arcane fog that had come to be known as the haze.  An orange glow and billowing smoke in the distance highlighted the silhouette of a broken skyline.

Even after all these years, the ruins had yet to stop burning.

The city was but a shadow of what it once was.

This was no longer the Meridia that Theo remembered, much less the Aneterra that Theo hoped to one day return to. 

Instinct led her down alleys and side streets, through what once were lush court gardens bursting with exotic blooms as she reached the rear of her destination. Dead vines of Ivy still clung to once-pristine stone walls; cracks in the weathered glass window panes only hinted at what Theo might find inside. Careful to avoid drawing attention to herself, Theo lurked in the shadows as she made her way round to the front of a building she once knew in and out, the place that she reminisced about on cold nights when the winds of winter rattled her windows as a girl in Michigan. 

Somehow, the front door - crafted of thick lumber and held together with intricate metalwork that reflected the status of the home’s former residents - hadn’t been destroyed in the massacre. 

Theo started to push the door open, but stopped short. She hadn’t been there since the night of the massacre, when she thought she lost everything. Even if Fury was right - even if Theo’s parents and sister were alive - they weren’t the only people Theo lost that night. The possibility that Theo might discover their remains just beyond the door was one she had to be ready to face.

Theo drew in a deep breath, steeled herself, and pushed the door open.

The creaking of worn hinges echoed through what once had been a grand foyer. A thick layer of dust coated the overturned furniture and picture frames along the walls, askew from the chaos of the massacre.

Theo’s boots clicked along the marble floor, each cautious step percolating through the air. The further she ventured into the room, the stronger the sense became that she was not alone.

Before her, a grand staircase curved up to the second floor, drawing the eye towards the massive windows which previously made the foyer feel particularly grand. In the dark, however, Theo couldn’t even tell if the glass remained in place, or if fighting had destroyed those windows too. 

Without consciously thinking about it, Theo crept towards the stairs and began to climb. Halfway up the stairs, Theo swore she saw a silhouette amongst the shadows cast by the window frame. Curiosity spurred her forward, past the top of the stairs.

Someone stood just in front of the window, looking out onto the ruins with their back towards Theo. They wore a black cloak, its cape brushing against the stone floor as it obscured the individual’s identity. 

As Theo drew near, they made no effort to look back and see who was there; as far as Theo could tell, they didn’t even seem to recognize she was there. With only a few feet between them, Theo opened her mouth and took a deep breath, ready to speak–

“...So…” The figure turned around, hands adorned with runes reaching out from beneath the cloak to lower the hood and reveal themselves to Theo. “... You are alive.”

Theo knew that voice like she knew her own name.

Ravenna stood before Theo, piercing lavender eyes filled with ice as she regarded her younger sister. Inky black hair tumbled over her shoulder, stopping just below her chest. Despite the lack of light, her skin cast a soft glow.

“Rae—“ Theo took a jarring step forward, only for her sister to step back.

“After all this time, you wander back here.” A bitter laugh escaped the elder sister. “What, are you here to save the day? We needed that years ago.”

“No, Rae–” Theo tried, “I had no idea—“

“No idea – what, we would still be here? Still fighting?” Ravenna spat, taking another step back. “Of course you wouldn’t - you brought this on us, why would you bother to try and fix it?”

She was the curse.

“No, Rae, please–” Theo extended a hand to her sister, desperate to plead her case. “I’m trying to get back so I can help–”

And in the dark  I can feel your heartbeat I tried to find the sound But then it stopped And I was in the darkness So darkness I became

Theo awoke with a jolt, drenched in sweat and gasping for air. The sudden movement sent a wave of aches rolling through her limbs while her pounding heart throbbed between her temples.

Dreams of Aneterra were nothing new, but the nightmare was different from anything she had seen before. This wasn’t seeing the world from someone else’s perspective, or watching like a third party; it was as if she had actually been there.

It was just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare - she had experienced plenty of them before. It didn’t take a witch to know that this wasn’t a premonition or a vision - this was a manifestation of her worst fears. There was no reason to give this particular nightmare any merit - her anxieties were unfounded, at least according to Memere.

But this one felt particularly vivid, and it was hard to shake.

Just the thought of her sister’s anger brought another round of overwhelming nausea. Throwing off the covers, Theo nearly tripped over herself as she bolted for the bathroom. She shoved the door open and stumbled inside, wincing at the crash of the door handle slamming against the wall. Collapsing to the bathroom floor, she barely managed to get her head over the toilet before throwing up. 

Despite the minuscule amount of bile, she continued to retch and gag for a couple minutes; it was as though her body was convinced something else was still in there, even though there was absolutely no way in hell that Theo hadn’t already emptied her stomach many times over. 

Completely spent, Theo closed her eyes and slumped against the toilet, temple pressing against the cool porcelain of the tank. Even without her eyes open, the ground beneath her tilted and swayed like she was on a boat during stormy seas.

God, she was a mess.

“Are you alright?”

Theo’s head snapped up towards the voice, only for her to wrench her eyes shut and groan as a fresh round of misery bashed in her skull. When the worst of it passed, Theo cracked her eyes open, blearily peering up through the dark to find Loki standing in her bathroom, staring at her as if she was a ghost.

“What’re you doing here?” The question slipped out, her exhaustion and malaise resulting in a far too blunt delivery.

“I had been on my way to the sitting room when I heard crashing come from inside your quarters; when you did not respond to my knocking, I grew worried and came inside…”

It took a moment for Theo to register what Loki had said, but when it finally clicked, she burst into uncontrollable tears. 

I took the stars from my eyes And then I made a map And knew that somehow I could find my way back Then I heard your heart beating You were in the darkness too So I stayed in the darkness with you…

Of all the things Loki expected in life, attempting to console a truly distraught Theo at three in the morning while sitting on her bathroom floor was nowhere among them.

And yet, that was exactly where he found himself - cross-legged on the marble tile as he cradled Theo in his lap, her face buried in his chest as she wept with such vigor that her entire body shook. 

Loki replayed the series of events that led to his present position. 

Like many nights, it began because of his inability to sleep. What was rare, however, was that his insomnia was not the result of some night terror, some monster that left his mind running in circles as if it were a dog chasing its tail. 

No, he had been quite content when he settled into his bed, his well-worn copy of The Eye of the World in hand for some light reading. Yet, instead of dozing off to thoughts of Moiraine Damodred and her search for the Dragon Reborn, his mind wandered back to the attack on the Met Gala.

Theo had been the only one to successfully defeat one of the mystery beings that had been discovered, revealing an ability to control the shadow creatures that continued to antagonize Midgard. The carnage left behind, however, indicated that the being proved to be quite a challenge - beyond the mess in the gallery, Theo walked away from the exchange with no shortage of wounds that would require a healer to address.

Still, she hadn’t returned to the tower with the other Avengers. Instead, she insisted on ensuring her beloved actor was safe and seeing if any victims needed care - all the while acting as if she herself was not actively bleeding from multiple parts of her body.

Selfless, stubborn creature.

From there, his mind shifted to the being who had wrought such havoc. In the immediate aftermath of the attack, there had not been much opportunity to examine the corpse before it was whisked away by SHIELD agents for further study; what he had been able to discern remained fairly generic. Humanoid in form, though the shriveled appearance of their flesh gave the impression of some type of undead creature. Spider-like black veins stretched beneath their skin, as if they had been poisoned or cursed in some manner.

Yet, he hadn’t seen anything quite like it.

At that point, Loki accepted his fate: he was nowhere near sleeping. 

With that in mind, he scoured his book shelves for one of the tomes he rescued from Asgard during Ragnarok - one that he referenced from time to time, usually when SHIELD requested his insight regarding creatures that Midgard had never seen before. Leatherbound book in hand, Loki began the familiar venture to the sitting room for a sleepless night of research.

Until heavy, syncopated footsteps and a muffled crash from the next room over stopped Loki dead in his tracks.

A heavy thud, as if multiple heavy objects had been dropped simultaneously, followed. The sound came from within Theo’s quarters - a realization which only brought an increased pulse and a festering sense of dread.

Loki approached her door, rapping his knuckles on the dark wood. “Theo?”

He pressed his ear to the door, listening for any signs of movement. If he strained, he thought he heard some sound - coughing, maybe? - but nothing indicating movement.

A twist of the doorknob indicated that it had not been locked. Before he fully thought the decision through, Loki pressed the door open. He slipped inside, carefully navigating the pitch black as he began to search for Theo. 

Though Theo’s space was never perfectly clean, the sitting room appeared as if nothing had been knocked over or disturbed. The sense of urgency grew as he explored further, knowing that such a racket followed by such silence never had benign origins. 

A painful-sounding retch came from the direction of Theo’s bathroom, followed by a groan.

Loki strode towards the sound, careful to remain quiet in case something foul was afoot.

He rounded the corner to find the bathroom door wide open, revealing Theo hunched over the basin of the toilet as if she had just been sick to her stomach. 

The pieces fell into place - he must have heard her running to the restroom and throwing the door open.

When she finished, she slumped down a bit, eyes closed as she laid her head along the seat, breathing as if she had finished a grueling training routine. 

Though Theo had clearly showered since her return, she somehow appeared even worse for wear than the last time Loki saw her. Her complexion rivaled that of a ghost. Her eyes, though closed, appeared red and swollen, lashes glistening despite the darkness. Wrinkled pajamas twisted around her body in a rather unnatural fashion; combined with an absolutely disheveled braid, Loki guessed she’d been tossing and turning in her sleep.

Loki stood there for a moment, completely dumbfounded. Should he say something? What would he say? After waiting this long, would it scare her? Would saying something make things worse? If he didn’t say something, would she think he was a creep? Should he just leave?

At one point, he stopped himself and nearly laughed. He was Loki, of Asgard. How a Midgardian would react to him should not have been of concern. 

However, this was no ordinary Midgardian.

He drew in a deep breath.

“Are you alright?”

The way Theo’s head shot up confirmed she had no clue he was there, or at least he had startled her. A brief moment of horror flashed across her face, only for a grimace to take hold as she clutched her head and groaned.

Loki cursed himself for startling her with such a pointless question - of course she was unwell, she would not be in such a position otherwise.

Theo lifted her head once more and cracked her eyes open, squinting up at Loki as she blinked slowly. Something about her gaze seemed… Off. 

“What’re you doin’ here?” The question came out half-mumbled and a bit slurred; she listed back and forth ever-so-slightly, almost like she could not keep her balance.

“I had been on my way to the sitting room when I heard crashing come from inside your quarters,” Loki replied, frowning at Theo. “When you did not respond to my knocking, I grew worried and came inside…”

Unsure of how to conclude his statement, Loki trailed off, running his fingers through his hair.

The predicament he found himself in was well outside of his area of expertise; comforting people was something Maximoff was far better with. He briefly debated leaving to fetch the Scarlet Witch – she would know the perfect solution in a moment like this.  Yet, Loki remained frozen in place, mind reeling over how to proceed. Should he try to locate a healer? Should he try to soothe her? Should he leave her alone?

The silence stretched as Loki stared at her, frantically running through different ideas in his head and dismissing them for all the reasons they might not work. Loki found himself frozen, unable to make up his mind about what he should do.

In turn, Theo simply sat there, blinking slowly as she stared up at Loki…

… Until her face crumpled and she caved in on herself, a small, hitched breath giving way to a heartbroken sob.

Such a desolate sound had no place falling from Theo’s lips.

Spurred to action by Theo’s tears, Loki lowered himself to sit on the floor beside her. He may have been an Avenger, but he certainly was not a perfect hero. Despite bravery being in the job description, he had to dig up the last of his courage to pull her into what he hoped would be a comforting embrace. 

At the new touch, Theo tensed, gasping quietly as her trembling hands flew up to cover her mouth and stifle her cries.

Loki froze. 

Yet again, Theo had startled, all because of him. Loki cursed himself - of course he would make a mess of what should have been a simple interaction. With his luck, she wouldn't have a thing to do with him after tonight. 

It was too far to turn back now; after all, in for a penny, in for a pound.

Just before Loki lost his ambition and pulled away, Theo settled beneath his touch, shifting so her face pressed firmly against his chest; hot tears dampened the knit fabric of his shirt as she somehow began to cry even harder. Her arms slipped around his waist, clinging to him despite the way her entire body shook. 

Loki cupped one hand to Theo’s neck, the pad of his thumb slowly brushing against her unusually heated skin. This time, Theo did not recoil or freeze at the change, instead melting into the touch.

Perhaps there was hope.

Motivated by a surge of courage, Loki shifted from simply holding Theo close to tracing gentle, unhurried circles along her back. 

With every new circle, the smallest hint of tension slipped from Theo’s muscles; as more of her body relaxed into Loki’s embrace, her cries slowed and grew softer. Even when Theo had loosened her grip and the only sounds she made were shaky, slow breaths, Loki had no intention of stopping his ministrations. 

“Theo?” He murmured, nose brushing against her hair as he looked down at her.

“M’m s’rry…” With her face fully buried in Loki’s shirt, Theo’s almost embarrassed response came out almost charmingly muffled; however, she made no effort to move.

“It’s alright.” Loki used the hand on Theo’s neck to sweep her messy braid aside, flattening his cool palm against the overheated flesh. “I take it you do not feel well?”

She weakly shook her head. “Feel Awful.”

“How about I help you to your bed so you can get some rest?”

“No, please – I can’t – ” The force with which Theo shook her head the second time caught Loki by surprise, as did the rising panic in her tone. “– Can’t go back–”

“Darling, you need rest if you’re to feel better,” Loki gently tried to rationalize, though if the heat radiating from Theo was any indication, her ability to rationalize likely had been impacted by some level of a fever. “The floor is no place for someone who is ill. You ought to rest in bed.”

“Not mine,” Theo begged, ”I can’t–” 

“Would you like me to bring you to the infirmary so you might rest there?”

Theo shook her head, tightening her arms around Loki.

“I’m not sure what other options there are, as I do not think I can bring bring you to your actor—“

“Broke up.” A new pair of damp spots on Loki’s shirt accompanied the two-word interruption, punctuated by a sniffle.

“Pardon?”

Theo blindly reached to the side, drawing Loki’s eye to her mobile. He unfurled one arm to retrieve it for her. Theo didn’t even pull away from Loki to look at what she was doing as she unlocked the device before handing it back. Loki accepted, eyes scanning across the screen. 

The most recent of Theo’s voice messages was from her lover, not long after the events at the Met Gala. White, hot fury shot through Loki’s veins as he read the transcription; despite what Loki had been told of the Midgardian’s supposed kindness, the message he left Theo was short, blunt, lacking any sense of care for the recipient. If anything, it was downright cruel.

Perhaps it was for the best that Loki needed to ensure Theo was cared for first, as he otherwise might have tracked the bastard down and made him regret his callous behavior. The first thing to sort out, however, was where she might be amenable to resting, since her bed and the infirmary were, for some unknown reason, unacceptable.

An idea came to mind; though it might cause others to talk, it was, up to that point, the best he could manage without waking anyone else and dragging them into the conversation.

“How about you come with me to my quarters?” Loki cautiously suggested. “You can rest there for a while, then decide later if you’d like to return to your own bed or seek out the infirmary. Would that work?”

A slow, almost sleepy nod brought a swell of tenderness to Loki’s chest and a soft smile to his face. 

Loki carefully adjusted to cradle Theo in his arms before slowly rising to his feet. In what almost seemed to be instinct, Theo pressed her forehead into space between Loki’s shoulder and the crook of his neck, letting out a strained breath before settling in. Though Loki had already established the presence of a fever, it wasn’t until carrying Theo that he noticed she was not simply trembling, but downright shivering.

Careful not to jostle Theo as he navigated the tower in the dark, Loki made the return journey to his quarters with restrained haste, relying on his Seidr to help with managing doors and other environmental obstacles that otherwise could have slowed or complicated the process of getting Theo to bed. 

Upon arriving in his own quarters, the dim, golden glow from a nearby lamp provided the first opportunity to take in Theo’s appearance under any sort of light; Loki paused for a moment to confirm his prior assessments regarding Theo’s condition. Much of what he discerned in the dark remained accurate, though he did find the smallest relief that it seemed she had fallen asleep while in transit and appeared almost peaceful… Were it not for the tell-tale signs of tears previously being shed, one might have been fooled into believing all was well. 

With a hushed sigh, Loki brought her from the great room to his bedchambers. A flick of one finger and shimmer of emerald seidr later, Loki lowered Theo onto the bed, carefully tucking her beneath the silken sheets and the plush duvet which Loki had crafted from the finest Asgardian textiles, pausing for a moment when a soft, breathy hum snuck out of Theo and she shifted, snuggling further beneath the covers. 

A few minutes later, Loki had placed a bin beside the bed in the event Theo became sick to her stomach once more, procured a glass of water and set it on the closest nightstand, and drawn the drapes shut so the morning light would not wake her.

With nothing else to distract him, Loki now had to answer the question he had yet to consider: where was he going to sleep?

The proper answer, of course, would be to find alternate sleeping arrangements, lest anyone make inappropriate assumptions about the circumstances. 

But doing so meant leaving Theo by herself, essentially abandoning her when she was in the midst of a particularly vulnerable moment. Surely, she would understand if he remained close by; after all, she trusted him up until this moment, enough to abandon her own quarters in favor of staying in his. Besides, he had stayed with her once before when she felt unwell. Precedent had been set to ensure no one mistook him for less than noble intentions, given the circumstances.

Yet, as Loki crawled beneath the covers on the opposite side of the bed, the distance still felt as if he were abandoning her. What if she woke up, delirious from fever, did not see him beside her, and panicked at the lack of familiar surroundings? If Theo laid with him, Loki would know the moment she woke and could ensure she had whatever she needed; even better, he could use his Jötun heritage for benevolent means, combining it with his seidr to reduce his core temperature so he could serve as a sort of full-body cool compress. 

Amidst warring thoughts, the weight of an arm draped across his chest ripped Loki from his indecision. Theo had rolled over in her sleep, curling into Loki’s side with her head resting atop the dip between shoulder and chest and one leg wrapped around his as if second nature. She nuzzled into him, oblivious to the waking world, her breath slow and deep in contrast to Loki’s racing heart. 

For a moment, Loki found himself dumbstruck by just how natural it felt to lay with her tucked into his side in such a manner. In her most vulnerable moments, she found solace in his presence. In her sleep, she sought him out. And though he could make any multitude of excuses as to why - she was not aware who she curled herself around, she was not of sound mind from illness - the excuses did nothing to dispel the pure awe that resulted from realizing the trust Theo placed in him.

In the morning, he would locate Maximoff and determine how to proceed; until then, he would embrace the trust placed in him, and hopefully repay it tenfold.

He willed his seidr to work, cooling himself to offer Theo some relief from her fever, then allowed himself to drift into a pleasant sleep.

The stars, the moon, They have all been blown out You left me in the dark No dawn, no day, I’m always in this twilight In the shadow of your heart

[lostfracturess]

haha and now as i said, my thoughts during the chapter as messy and chaotic as always (really sorry) 😭

omg, their convo is kinda ridiculous 😭

"He's miserable," you said.

"You always say that about him."

"Because it always fits."

I AM CRYING THAT'S SO ACCURATE 😭😭😭😭 gosh it's just the beginning and i am already close to fainting.

"Perhaps you should focus more on your studies than on discussing your personal life. Maybe then you'd actually pass your exams." WOAH SIR THAT WAS RUDE :(((

"Sukuna"

YOU. BITCH. COME HERE I WILL FUCKING KICK YOUR STUPID UGLY ASS

"Sukuna's smile widened. "In private? With you, always."

listen here bitch STAY AWAY FROM HERE OR I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE 😤😤😤😤

"Sukuna leaned in close, his voice dropping to a whisper, "Oh, I think we both know it's not me who pushes him to the edge."

oh my fucking fod you stupid prick, thanks for another ember in the already bright fire of self deprecation of the s&c reader, as though she's not well aware of it 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

"The words hit you like a punch to the gut, and before you could even think about what you were doing, your hand was moving. The sound of the slap echoed through the empty classroom, and Sukuna's head snapped to the side from the force of the impact" JESUS I LOVE THIS WOMAN I AM ON MY KNEES SJEJJEEJEJEJJEEJ

"Ha," he said, looking at the blood on his fingertips. "Looks like the kitten has claws." He rubbed his thumb and forefinger together, as if savoring the sensation. "You know, it's funny," Sukuna continued, his voice almost conversational. "Satoru always did have a thing for the feisty ones."

i don't know how are you doing that, that's probably a writing talent of yours (one of many things actually) but i want to get through my screen and punch him so bad. just why he even has a nerve to speak about satoru and his preferences? like he really knows him. shut up ugly ass

oh my god, it's not even a third of the chapter, and i am already crying :( my poor poor girl, she doesn't deserve all of this, she's just been so strong this entire time, and that accusations from sukuna are cherry on top. yes, satoru wouldn't overdose, if there wasn't a s&c reader, but... it's just a part of their relationship, brutal, somehow ugly and harsh. if there wasn't a s&c reader, he would never experienced feeling of being truly loved and love. and i am sure that satoru wouldn't trade anything for that feeling, he would go through thousands overdoses just to keep her in her life. that's not healthy, but again, we're all in here. actually, I don't think their relationships can be measured by healthiness and unhealthiness anymore, it's too deep and complicated from both sides. they are so beautiful in destroying of each other, and also beautiful in creating something fragile and tender between them.

well, but comparing her to satoru's parents... that's a low blow for sure. there's a drastic difference between them: s&c reader lover satoru and that's on period.

not panic attack in the front of sukuna, my poor girl 😭😭😭😭 I can't do this anymore (continuing reading)

"Satoru didn't need to see your weakness, not when he was already teetering on the edge. You had to bottle it all up, bury it deep. You took another deep breath, forcing your shaking hands to still" no baby no, don't shut yourself out, he loves all of you 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 nooooo i cantttt, nici, you're a cruel woman.

"This case here," you said, waving the folder. "Failing liver." JESUS NO PUT THAT DOWN NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. we're on the edge of the catastrophe REMEMBER MY WORDSSSSS

"I'm just being honest. I don't see how anyone with that liver damage could survive. But the other vitals are pretty impressive for someone in their 50s. Strange." You paused, your eyes meeting his. "But why are you looking into that?" FIFTIES 😭😭😭😭😭😭 ROASTED.

yeah know she's acknowledging him slowly dying i am so happy 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲 it's really another level of pain

"No," you said finally. "Based on these stats, there's no way this patient will survive, even with treatment. The liver damage is too extensive, even aggressive treatment would likely only cause unnecessary suffering," your eyes meet his, "It would be cruel to give them false hope." no, forget. THIS is another level of pain. i literally have to pause and put away the phone to process 😃😃😃😃😃😃

"You knew that this medicine was rather new. Expensive, if insurance didn't cover it. A single dose cost more than some people earned in a month"

is that okay if i think this is hot? because i fucking do

"See you next month, then," he said, a playful lilt returning to his voice. "For your next dose of preventative migraine medicine. But don't be late. I hate when patients keep me waiting."

he loves her so much it's insane IT'S UTTERLY INSANE. i am so sure that to loved is to be seen and the way he takes care of her it's just too much for my heart. i love their love

"You should be numb to it by now, but each pill felt like a punch to your gut. He popped them into his mouth and swallowed dry, a practiced motion. Dread tightened in your stomach"

"Turning back to face you, he asked, "You want to grab something in the cafeteria then?"

the way he's doing that so causal and the way that thing became causal between them...scary at least :(

"I don't think I have to answer your question," he said, cold, dismissive." wow. so nice. I would already cry, tbh

wow. i am completely utterly speechless. i have never in my life read something like that. the play, i mean. this is beyond beautiful and tragic. it's just...i don't, i am still speechless. reached the very deep of my heart. i felt this inescapable cage that their love is. thank you for letting us to see that. and the sonnets (if i am right?) so beautiful in their pain.

"Suguru studied you for a long moment. He didn't need to ask. He knew you well enough to know what was going on. Yeah, how ugly it is to be truly seen." just after i said for me to be loved is to be seen...

"You shook your head. "No. I can't. I need work...I need to focus on something, anything, or I think I'll fall apart."

this hurts even more knowing suguru loves her 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 i am killing myself

"He hesitated, his gaze lingering on your face for a moment before he finally nodded and peeled off his gloves. He leaned forward, his hand gently undoing the tight knot of your crossed arms. He took your hand in his, tracing shooting lines across the back of your hand" i realised at that moment and remembered your answer about that suguru would be safer, more healthier to her. and that small gesture reminded me of it. and her words about being near satoru felt like home, and now she's falling apart and needed distance from him...

"You'd already compromised so much, given up so much, to turn yourself into someone he could love without tearing himself to pieces. But how much more could you sacrifice before there was nothing left of you, before you became a stranger, before it became some kind of murder?" can this passage be carved on my gravestone? thanks

JESUS CHRIST I ALMOST PASSED OUT READING THIS I KNEW SHE WOULD BE ALIVE OF COURSE BUT READING THIS OH KNOW I HAVE A FEW GREY HAIR NOW

"You inhaled, the air burning in your lungs. Before you could exhale, a familiar voice roared down the corridor, slicing through the quiet of the hospital. For a brief moment, you wondered if it might have been better to have died in the flames" oh yessss the loving boyfriend ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

"I think we're done here. Thank you," you said cautiously to the doctor beside you, bracing yourself for the inevitable scene Satoru was about to make." i am laughing i think this is something hysterical already

"Satoru's grip on your face tightened ever so slightly. He looked like he wanted to kill you right after he was done with the other two poor souls in the room" no, it's definitely something hysterical 😭😭😭😭

"Oh, I—" the doctor stuttered, looking like he wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Poor guy." he's gonna faint, omg

never anger dr. handsome ✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻✍🏻

"I swear to god, I'll buy this goddamn second-rate hospital and have you all fired if you don't leave us alone. Now."

*tapping the mic*

i am so so sorry BUT PLEASE ANYONE TELL ME IF YOU FOUND THIS HOT BECAUSE I DO

*mic drop*

"I have an alert on you. In every hospital in this country," he said without hesitation, his tone matter-of-fact, as if it were the most natural thing in the world" UHM- WHAT????????? I AM SORRY??????????? it would be a real red flag in real life BUT HERE???????? jesus christ

"But how could you be angry when he stood before you, so vulnerable and broken? How could you deny the executioner the willing blood, the scars he carved into his own flesh with the blade that is your love?" whoa. that's is so fucking beautiful. a poetic masterpiece.

"The living room was a wasteland, the couch a blackened, smoking husk, the bookshelves reduced to piles of charred kindling. The kitchen was even worse, the appliances melted and twisted, the cabinets nothing more than gaping, empty holes in the wall" I don't know whether it was intentional from you or i am hyperanalyzing things as usual, but could this description of the burnt flat be somehow a metaphor to her own inner state?

"Somehow all seemed to be stuck until it went up in flames. As if the grand scheme of things had something against you" omg seems like i am right 😭

"Kafka," you said with a smile, and he looked at you like you might have lost your mind" i think they have already lost it too long ago....

"Satoru had fallen back into addiction, and you? Somehow, you felt like you didn't know who you were anymore, your identity bleeding from open wounds onto the already soaked carpet below" my poor poor girl....i wanna hug her and shoosh 😭😭😭😭

that conversation in his apartment... feels like the first their normal conversation in a long time...too normal actually. i smell a rat...🤔🤔🤔🤔 (look at her seeking signs of angst IN A NORMAL CONVERSATION)

"Staggering back, you gripped the doorframe for support, fighting the bile that scorched your throat. The image was seared into your brain, a permanent scar that refused to fade. You closed the door, shutting out the painful memory" jesus in that moment i realized i kinda overlooked her trauma for seeing satoru basically DEAD. it's not like your see the person you love that much overdosed to the point of no return, and while you wanna run away from that, you force yourself to be strong and steady and save him, to take this burden you. this is so unfair and cruel. but again, when our world was fair?... she's been too strong for all this time, and now we see how she's slowly falling apart :(

"You couldn't shake the sickening feeling of helplessness that had engulfed you in that moment, the realization that no matter how desperately you wanted to, you were powerless to save him" i don't know how to put it right, but...i think by saving him, she killed him. pulled him from the agonizing abyss of addiction, so that he can fall in it more harder than he's ever been.

"For years, you had clung to the belief that if only you had been older, if only you had been stronger, you could have saved him" and of course the overlapping with her father's death 👍🏻 nici, you're a cruel woman. genius and cruel.

"Every moment spent with him was a delicate dance on the edge of a knife, never knowing when the blade might slip and cut you both to the bone" your metaphors should be studied at the literature classes. or stylistics.

"The love you had for him, the love he had for you, it was a malignant growth, metastasizing, consuming, destroying everything in its wake. It was a sickness with no cure. No treatment. No hope for remission.

Symptom and cause, all at once"

MIC. FUCKING. DROP.

yeah, their love is like a burning inferno, destroying everything in its wake. even them. everything will be destroyed in its flames..

"But it was too late. He quickly undid the bandages, ignoring your protests. The bandage fell away, revealing the ugly truth beneath" i really feel like it's a metaphor to her inner state and I think it is, applying bandages to her already ruined self, and it doesn't help even in the slightest. and then satoru helping her..i think it's another sign she really shouldn't to carry all the burden together

"He slumped over the counter once more, his head buried in his hands, his fingers tearing at his hair. You were sure he was pulling out strands, his shoulders heaving with each ragged breath" I can't do this anymore, bye everyone THIS IS MY SYMPTOM AND MY CAUSE.

"You knew it wasn't directed at you, but at your stubborn refusal to let him in, to share your pain. You hadn't wanted to trouble him, to add another burden to his already heavy shoulders." GIRL?????? ISN'T IT THE SAME THING THAT INFURIATES YOU ABOUT SATORU????? U GOOD????

"But for now, in this moment, you could pretend. Pretend that love was enough. But was it really? Was love alone enough to keep you both alive?" unfortunately it's not enough. even if people love each other with all their heart, it still may be not enough. the ugly truth.

"Nothing. You're just there." He hesitated, as if the memory itself was too painful to relive. "But I see your hands, covered in blood. It won't wash away. And I can't wake up, can't look away." 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 should i ever say something about her imagining blood on her hands or?

"But you did, Satoru. And you'll do it again," you said. "But I'm yours to break. So it's okay." i am not a person anymore. just... goodbye. the way she willingly let herself to be broken by him, because she simply cannot...

"There's just this chaos inside my head, and I don't know how to sort it out." and yet she finds comfort in his chaos 💜

"You moved closer, closing the distance between you. "Then do it scared, Satoru," you said, your voice soft but unwavering. "You don't have to wait until your past is undone, until you feel forgiveness for your parents, or until this mess with Sukuna is over. You are not paralyzed by it. So do it scared." No way... are they.... COMMUNICATING??????? WHAT???????????? AM I NOT TRIPPING????

The next morning, you were rudely awakened by the obnoxious ringing of the doorbell. Seriously, couldn't you just have a normal wake-up call for once in this chapter? Is that too much to ask, author? I AM FUCKING SOBBING THE FOURTH WALL BREAKING

"The men filed past you, their heavy boots thudding against the floor as they made their way into the apartment. You silently cursed them for not taking off their shoes, knowing you'd have to clean up after them. You closed the door and tried to figure out what to do next. " haha a grumpy old lady

THE DOG 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 THEY HAVE A DOGGG NOWWWWWWW

"You shook your head, leaning forward and lowering your voice even further in the crowded cafeteria. "No, we need to go there because of Dr. Handsome. We have to find a way to cancel that lawsuit against him." i feel like satoru at that point because any idea of hers is another nail in my coffin

omg i'm so sorry it took me 500 business days to reply lol. but again, i appreciate you so so much for taking the time to give me your insights to your thoughts while reading !! and i'm always so amazing how you got all the little details and metaphors right hehe. so glad you saw all that. it's super rewarding when someone notices and connects with them.

another thing that was a metaphor was the kafka book in her burned apartment. since no one commented on it, i'll just throw it in here lol. like she was looking for the book (that he gave her) and then when she found it she was relieved (it was still untouched by the flames) and then she pressed it tightly to her chest bc she was afraid it might still slip away if she didn't (book = satoru; afraid he slips away as well). okay please tell me does anyone get this ?? or am i thinking too complicated ????? anyway.

i love, love, love all your comments and insights, really. they always bring the biggest smile to my face. your support means the absolute world to me. and i'm so grateful for your kind words, encouragement, and enthusiasm for my work. i hope you have a super amazingly lovely day or night and an even better weekend ahead <3

[spinnerofink]

Not gonna be in my fic [probably] but thinking about Babs getting Jason to call Alfred.

"How's Alfred?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself? The Manor's number hasn't changed. It's still the same one you memorized. 555-"

"555-686-4508." Jason finished.

"You can just call him. He's always been just a phone call away."

Jason looked cornered, wild eyed and scared. He slid off his gauntlet and handed it to her. Knelt down next to her. "Make it work."

It wasn't broken. She pulled up the comms unit, linked it to the batcave. It was a stupid, reckless idea. If this didn't work, the Knight would have total access to the Cave. But it had to work. Alfred was the only one he still cared about.

This was their best shot at bringing Jason home.

Alfred accepted the relay. "Hello?" He was surprised, seeing Barbara on the screen. "Oh dear god. I'm so glad you're alright, Miss Gordon. I... are you safe?"

Jason was paving at the far end of the room, visibly tensing every time Alfred spoke.

"I'm fine, Alfred. A little banged up but nothing that won't heal in a few days. How are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm fine. I always am. I... I don't recognize the frequency you're calling from."

"It's the Knight’s gauntlet. He gave it to me." She looked up at Jason, mouthing for him to come over here, say hi.

Jason shook his head.

Barbara sighed, spun her chair around just before Jason could hide his face again. "The Arkham Knight is Jason, Alfred. Jason is alive. And he's... hurting. Obviously."

Alfred’s face brightened at the glimpse of Jason's face before the mask fully closed. "Jason." Jason stayed silent. The digital eyes stared at the old butler. "Master Todd, I've had a month's worth of stress tonight because if you. The least I deserve is an acknowledgment."

Jason’s spine stiffened but he nodded, took a breath. The tension relaxed. His voice was a distorted squeak. "Hi, Alfred."

"Jason. My boy." Alfred swallowed a knot in his throat. "You're alive. You-- let me see your face, please."

Jason opened his mask and flinged as Alfred gasped. "It's a mess, I know." Jason chuckled.

"No. Just... Everything you endured. Everything you survived."

"I'm still taking this city down, Alfred." He clicked his teeth in anger. "Gotham is mine."

"Is that what you want, Jason? Or is that he made you want?"

"Shut up."

"You know it's--"

"This is all I have, Barbara! Tonight, Batman dying, the city dying, the mission crumbling before his eyes. There is no going home, not for me."

"There can be."

"You think Bruce is just going to let me back in the Manor? He... he barely tolerated me when I-- When I was--"

"When you were Robin."

Jason nodded.

Alfred sighed deeply. "You're welcome there as my guest. As Jason Todd."

Jason broke. He fell to his knees. There was a tearful smile. It looked more unstable than the anger, but at least he looked... unburdened. "Alfred I..."

"One step at a time, my boy. Call off the troops. We have a long night ahead of us still. But yes, tomorrow morning, we'll all have breakfast and coffee together. Alright?"

Jason nodded. He wiped his tears. "I want pancakes. Can... Can you do pancakes?"

"Yes. If you can help us stop this madness in time, you can even help make them."

Jason nodded. He stood, put the gauntlet back on. "Arkham Knight to all troops. We..." He hesitated. "Fall back. Just fall back."

[miss-cydonian]

Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Review (If you want to read, of course).

Disclaimer 1: ⚠️HEAVY SPOILERS AHEAD⚠️

Disclaimer 2: I’m not a professional movie reviewer, this is just my opinion™. I’m not a good writer either, so you’ve been warned. Also, this is my first time writing a review, a “proper” one.

These are just the main points that I have some critiques of.

That being said, let’s do this.

Alright, let’s organize this by chapters:

Chapter 1: Gabriel and The Entity

So Dead Reckoning introduce us to the new antagonists of the franchise, a man that goes by the name “Gabriel”, the major antagonist that Ethan Hunt used to know, before his time on IMF and a super intelligent AI, named “The Entity”.

The very brief plot explanation is that Ethan and his team are trying to stop said AI and Gabriel before everything goes awry. To stop them, Ethan must acquire a key that unlocks The Entity, rewriting its programming and setting things back to default mode. Or, as Ethan wishes, to destroy the AI completely, leaving no one to control it.

The whole AI plot is interesting. McQ and Tom took things more on the Sci-Fi route. And yes, you could argue that all MI movies are of a Sci-Fi nature, but that was narrowed down to the gadgets that they used. Here, this AI has gone rogue and seemly gained consciousness and is acting on its own, posing itself has a real threat to the whole digital world as we know, playing a huge role in the narrative as a real enemy.

And there’s Gabriel, the threat to the physical world. He was responsible for the death of a woman, named Marie, and it is implied she was close to Ethan. To be honest, I didn’t feel connection to this whole backstory plot, because it was shown merely seconds on screen. I was hoping they would show more of them interacting to make the audience feel something for her death, but unfortunately, that was not the case. Maybe in Part 2, will see more of this backstory unravels.

If a had to change something, would be that Gabriel was, somehow, involved in the deaths of Ethan’s first crew, back in the first MI, that I think, would get me more invested in Gabriel and his backstory, and be a stronger motivation for Ethan to stop him, he would be afraid that the same would happen to this new crew that he grew so close to.

Chapter 2: The Death of Ilsa Faust

This is a tricky one.

Ok, first of all, I don’t believe Ilsa is dead, but McQ could easily pull a “Kingsman move” and do that. After all, a death of a major character in which the protagonist cares about can be a great driving force to move the plot forward. The reason I don’t think she’s dead is because that would be too easy. Her death didn’t have the enough impact in my opinion and the characters didn’t seem very shocked by it.

Now, there’s some possibilities here. First, she survived, and Ethan gave her the “final choice”, a release from her espionage chains for good, but that also would be too weak of a plot, and it was discussed in Rogue Nation by Ilsa herself, her wish to just get away from everything and everyone with Ethan, but they're never really free from this world.

The other possibility would be that Ethan and Ilsa calculated a final plan, just the two of them, and which she is the main key (HA!) to this said plan, and is just waiting for the right moment, to be in the right spot, in the right time. That would give “Dead Reckoning” its true meaning of the word in the movie, at least, the meaning that I know of. The problem with this possibility is the whole “Deus Ex Machina” thing, in which is also overused in movie media.

As I said, it’s a tricky one. Guess I’ll have to wait and see.

Chapter 3: The Action and Found Family

There are two things I love about the MI franchise and that is: the action scenes, the commitment and passion Tom Cruise has to realism and to deliver a proper action scene that deserves everyone's attention, being a car chase or a fight, and the train scene, holy shit, THAT train sequence in Dead Reckoning... And the second thing is the found family that was formed since Ghost Protocol. To tell you the truth, I really begin to enjoy MI with Ghost Protocol and the other titles that came after it, and seeing the familiar faces every movie was so good and had me hooked in the franchise, especially Benji Dunn, played by Simon Pegg, he’s, by far, my favorite character. Dunn brings a lot of expression and personality to the movies and is a major backbone of the group, alongside Ilsa and Luther. Basically, Ethan can’t live without them, and them, without him.

This found family is what makes Mission Impossible movies unique and differentiates itself from spy movies overall and I’m glad this choice was made, and Ethan didn’t fall into the “Lone Wolf” personality of most protagonists of this kind of genre have. I’m excited to see where McQ and Tom are going to take the characters next in Part 2 because I felt that Benji, Luther and Ilsa didn’t get enough space in Part 1 compared to Rogue Nation and Fallout.

Conclusion

Is the movie worth seeing? Yes, absolutely. Dead Reckoning brings a lot more in action, sequences that will really have you in the edge of your seat, recurring characters that you know and probably love (at least love Benji, ok? He’s trying his best), breathtaking visuals, the cinematic and photography are marvelous! This movie had my full attention from beginning to the end and I can’t wait for Part 2.

Rating: 4/5 ⭐

[soniadamasco]

Miri's mom: a breakdown

Warning: sexual assault, mental health related topics

I've seen a lot of opinions in the fandom about Misaki (Miri's mom), in particular discussing if she is to be considered or not a bad person. It's a very complicated topic and I think her character - with the little screen time she got until now - deserves a little more work to be understood.

Yes, she made some horrible decisions: leaving her child alone to wander in a big city, sending her to her criminal father. Yet, there are some small clues in the scene where she talks with Kazuki that I think make her a more complex character than we might think.

At the beginning, we see her slapping Kazuki for hitting her boyfriend, even thought he was just trying to save her from abuse:

But, right after, she offers to treat him, in a very tired tone. This tells me that at least she recognises Kazuki is not the one at fault and deserves to be helped. Her very emotional reaction from before might also be a clue that she's very attached to what she considers "hers".

When we return to the scene, we see her sitting down and talking with Kazuki, telling him how she never wanted to have Miri. She also explicitly says that she was taken advantage of, possibly experiencing sexual assault.

The lack of compensation could also mean that she was at the time a sex worker and, considering the environment she lives in, I have my doubts it was consensual. Maybe she was forced through abuse, or maybe she had to do it to survive. After all, when she "jokes" about Miri being a "cheap date" for liking her store-bought hamburgers, she shows a strange attachment to money, which might as well derive from a life of financial struggles.

All of this to say that I think there is something connecting Misaki's answers and the things they allude to: a lack of control in her life.

She couldn't control her body when she was assaulted by Miri's father, as well as during the whole time she was pregnant with Miri (I suggest reading this post before commenting on her options about terminating the pregnancy). She can't seem to control how other people affect her life, especially the men who constantly abuse her:

That's why I think she got upset at Kazuki when he hit her boyfriend: because he touched something that she feels belongs to her. Living a life where you feel you have no control, you get attached to the few things that you can keep close to you, even those who hurt you. Those attachments, for how toxic they can be, make you feel like there's a slight hope to survive when everything else seems to be crumbling down.

The other reason why she gets upset at Kazuki is because he judges her for not having a "maternal instinct":

Look, we all love our sunshine boy, but I believe she's in the right here. Kazuki is an orphan, who never experienced what a parent is from a child's perspective, and a man whose child died before being born. He's talking from and idealistic point of view, thinking about the families he dreamed of having but never got. For how much it hurts, he doesn't know what it's like being a parent, especially the hardest parts of it, the ones which badly affect your mental health.

Still, he strongly judges her, and it's not a good thing to do even if he's thinking about Miri's well being. Misaki, who has no control over her life, probably sees Kazuki's judgement as another person trying to take control over her, this time over her own worth as a human.

I've said this in another post, but there's another sentence with gives me the most insight on her character:

I think we focus too much on what this sentence means for Kazuki and too little about what it tells us about Misaki's past. This is not a sentence you would say lightly, this is a sentence that comes from experience. I think there is more trauma in Misaki's life than we might think, probably even relating to her own family.

It could very well be that this feeling of lacking control over her life comes from her childhood, or at least a time when she was younger and still developing. It also tells us that she sees the concept of family as something to be wary of, not something that should bring happiness.

As someone who probably didn't have a good experience with her family, I think Misaki sees Miri's existence as another thing that is controlling her life. More than that, something brought by someone else's belief they had the right to decide what to do with her future. It hurts to say, but I think it would be very difficult for her to ever see Miri as something different than another chain.

When you feel like you have no control over your life, you might do the worst things - to yourself, to others - just to feel like for once you're the one who makes the decision. Does that make Misaki less of a bad person? I cannot answer that question, but I can understand how much she's hurting. More than anything else, she reminds us how vulnerable we can be in our lives.

[no6secretsanta]

Stubborn Symbiosis

Hi @ulkonja - as much as I wanted to write some Safu angst I could not help but yield to the sweet siren song of “spicy Nezushi” - I hope it’s to your liking even though the spice might be a bit different than you expect, haha. HAPPY SECRET SANTA!

Post-canon, established relationship, T-rating (though certainly a lil spicy)

—-

“This was the first park we built after everything,” Shion began, unlocking the gate on a black screened-off area. “…There was a learning curve. Please watch your step, Nezumi.”

“But of course,” Nezumi allowed, making a mental note to store anything embarrassing to replay vengefully in his head later— it had been a long week and he deserved petty rejuvenation. 

Behind the (surprisingly intense) padlock sat dirty water in a hole. It lounged at half the depth intended, judging by the three-foot muddy drop that awaited anyone unfortunate enough to approach. There were barely any fish or plants, but the species that had survived did look surprisingly healthy. This somehow was a functioning pond— if only out of spite.

“I can’t believe you haven’t shown me this,” Nezumi whispered, awed. “This is monumental.”

“You know, Nezumi, when someone is giving you a tour of the new city they are helping build, most will lead with their successes, not their failures,” Shion huffed. “You should be more understanding.”

“Afraid I’m all out of that,” Nezumi replied. “I think I’ll pitch a tent here— fancy some camping?”

Shion rolled his eyes, but Nezumi could tell by the way his mouth quirked that he was trying not to humor his sarcasm by laughing.

“I can’t believe the committees’ delicate fingers managed to pick up a shovel.”

“Multiple shovels actually,” Shion supplied. “They did work hard, even though they didn’t really know what they were doing. All of this was due to the …effort of our volunteers. Their hearts were in the right place.” 

“Ah, yes, effort— the most important of all resources, right next to enthusiasm, whimsy, and glee.”

Shion shot him such a tired look that made Nezumi want to peel away his polite office posturing like the wrapping paper on a present.

“Truly, I can’t imagine putting a fence around something so selfless— the new city deserves to see such humble beauty everyday!” 

“We didn’t intentionally hide it. It’s important to wear our mistakes as loudly as our successes, but… well.”

Nezumi leaned in. This would be good.

“Well?”

Shion shut his eyes, admitting, “We actually received too many complaints from people who accidentally…fell in. There’s a ladder but— stop laughing, Nezumi! I know how that sounds, but this was a serious problem. We didn’t want to risk anyone actually getting hurt by the committee’s first volunteer-driven nature project!”

There were actual tears in Nezumi’s eyes. He struggled to catch his breath. “You should have brought me here months ago, Shion. This is groundbreaking, or it would be, if they could actually break through— wait, pardon me, did they try to plant cattails? There’s barely any water— you think they’d try to fix that first.”

“I really wish they did,” Shion’s voice carried the weight of endless meetings. “They thought decorating around the pond would improve everything that was wrong with the foundation. At the time I was busy with other responsibilities and incorrectly assumed our volunteers had consulted with and were working with experts in park creation. We do have nice parks, you know. Functional ones.”

“Those did not look like this,” Nezumi emphasized. “This is something transcendent. An exercise in futility, an art piece, a— ”

“—A necessary learning experience for a new city,” Shion finished. “When our funders saw what it looked like, well. You couldn’t pay someone to take the land of their hands. They wanted it razed.”

Nezumi’s smile fell. “I can imagine.”

Shion was still looking at the water, and Nezumi put one and two together.

“So, Shion, when you said you had land in the city, this is what you meant?”

“Yes,” he mumbled, ever stubborn. “So if you could stop making fun of me for it, that would be great.” 

This guy… Nezumi snaked an arm around Shion’s waist in tender mockery. 

“There, there. You made the right call preserving this place. Books shall remember you as Shion: noble savior of cattails.”

Shion grunted, batting Nezumi’s arm away— but he wasn’t lying, actually. Nezumi loved it here. This place was perfect: born from the city, yet growing honestly in spite of it, beautiful in its own odd, stubborn, baffling way. A lot like…

Shion leaned down to attempt to fish a plastic bag out of the water— he couldn’t quite reach it. He was so close, but clearly too proud to ask for assistance. This was the greatest day of Nezumi’s life. 

“Something to say, Shion?” Nezumi drawled, patiently waiting for Shion to snap at him or fall in the pond.

“It isn’t that funny,” Shion grouched, finding his third option— petulant grumbling.

“You are, though. Can’t believe all this luxury belongs to you,” Nezumi eased back, using a stick to lift the bag into Shion’s hand without any further teasing— a peace offering. “Here, unlike your committee, I am capable of using simple tools.”

“Thanks,” Shion replied flatly. “I’m sure that skill has been very useful in your life.”

Nezumi laughed, coaxing Shion closer in a playful side-hug. When Shion leaned into the embrace a new-yet-familiar heat warmed him to the tips of his toes. He still couldn’t let this drop without one more dig, though.

“Hold onto me,” he whispered dramatically, lips brushing Shion’s ear. “I heard on royal authority it’s a steep drop.”

Shion threw the bag at his face.

—

An hour later Nezumi was sitting with his toes skating above the water. Shion had dropped a lavender pill the size of a quarter in the liquid which dissolved with a sizzling sound and cleared away most of the murk. Good thing, too, as the very important city official was now waist deep in ugly pond and wading with devoted purpose.

Shion’s white hair seemed even fluffier in the spring light. Dressed down to his boxers, his red snaking scar was on full display. It dipped in and out of the liquid as he plodded around like a damp, sexy duckling. Nezumi had eyes— he was using them to the fullness of their potential. 

For all his embarrassment, Shion was good at this. Obviously deeply familiar with the malicious and weird ecosystem in the lake, he was encouraging it to thrive with brief, expert contact. The still-too-low water now shimmered and the stubborn surviving plants were greener and more lush than they had any right to be.

Shion prattled on about the impressive resilience of bacterial life with relentless enthusiasm. Between assurances that the pill wouldn’t harm any of the creatures living in the water, he managed to work in detailed explanations of how the bacteria wouldn’t harm him, either. 

“Orchestrated symbiosis, Nezumi,” he rambled, smiling wide. “We’ve made a lot of advancements.”

Nezumi hated that this was kind of turning him on. Shion really had no right to be so hot and so dumb and so infuriatingly brilliant at the same time. Something was seriously wrong with him, but Nezumi absolutely needed to get this conversation into more suggestive territory. 

Shion hadn’t gotten the memo unfortunately. He had a lot of opinions on water-based illnesses.

“There’s skin rashes, infections….Oh, that’s not even taking into account the parasitic organisms that can survive in water like this,” he babbled, looking altogether too perky for any of those words in that order. 

“And yet here you are,” Nezumi’s voice was a low purr— he was nothing if not determined in the face of impossible odds— “…Swimming.”

“Well, yes,” Shion replied with absolutely zero heat. “I have a great immune system!”

Nezumi questioned his place in the universe. “You’re the most frustrating person I have ever met.”

“I thought that was pretty logical, actually,” Shion countered, granting Nezumi a generous view of the wet skin of his back as he partially climbed up the ladder. “I’ve already survived the worst possible parasitic infection I could, after all.”

“That’s…” Nezumi began, and then gave up. There was no way to make this one sexual. “Not an incident I’m looking to repeat.”

“Me neither.”

At last, the conversation had finally waned— time to encourage a shift. Nezumi leaned back on his elbows. “You know, Shion—”

“—If anything, you’re far more likely to get sick than I am. I have more natural immunities,” Shion interrupted, and oh god, he was still thinking about parasites. “Well, probably anyway.”

He paused to shake the ladder, really testing the rusty metal in the loudest way possible. Wet, rhythmic thuds against the earthen wall filled the air. After a solid minute of this he released the bars, satisfied with their sturdiness. Nezumi pinched the bridge of his nose, and breathed out very slowly. 

There was no salvaging this. He surrendered.

“Nezumi?” Shion asked.

 “Yes?” he replied, without any actual irritation. Shion was Shion, after all. “More enticing facts about parasites for me?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to get in the water. You might not have my immune system, but if you get sick, I’ll take care of you.”

Nezumi opened his eyes, not expecting this opportunity, but refusing to let it skate by. 

“Will you now?” He drawled, carefully tilting his head back to show off the pale skin of his throat in a way he knew was alluring.

Shion’s eyebrows drew together, a puzzled expression on his face. Not exactly horny but this was a step above damp ladder shaking, at least. 

“I mean. Yes? I have medicine.” 

An awkward pause. Nezumi waited patiently, holding Shion’s gaze. He half-smiled at the slight flush that had begun to spread across his face. Finally, he was catching on. 

“What else do you have?” Nezumi asked, baiting the hook.

“I’m not entirely sure what you mean by that, Nezumi,” Shion floundered. Something stupid fluttered in Nezumi’s chest. “I didn’t really mean anything by that comment. I just thought it’d be nice to look after you.”

“Please tell me you’re not the type to fantasize about me catching the plague, Shion,” Nezumi teased, voice lowering. “You always did like playing nurse.”

Shion broke his gaze, abruptly shy. His ears were bright red. There it was. 

“Nezumi, I…” 

“Mmhm?” Nezumi replied lazily, drumming his fingers on his thigh. 

“Are you trying to initiate something? This is a very weird place to do that.”

Now it was Nezumi’s turn to choke.

 “It isn’t that weird— we’re in relative private, and you own this ‘park’. Besides, the screen walls are dark and there’s a lock on the gate. You mean to tell me you’re not interested?”

“It isn’t that, Nezumi,” Shion argued, a little too quickly. Got him.

“Then why don’t I join you in the water?” Nezumi drawled, running his hand up his thigh to the base of his shirt. Swiftly, he pulled it over his head. 

Shion, to his surprise, barely reacted. His face was a disturbing neutral.

“Actually, I don’t know,” Shion said, voice flat. “You made fun of me a lot before and I’d hate to throw off the pond ecosystem by doing something so irresponsible.”

 That move never failed him; Nezumi’s stomach dropped. “You’re serious?”

“Not at all,” Shion said, swimming over, a pleased, sparkling, vengeance in his eyes. “Sometimes I want to tease you too, Nezumi. Now take your pants off, please.”

“Asshole.” Nezumi glared, even as his shaking fingers fumbled with his fly. “How is it that you’re perceptive only when it doesn’t benefit me?”

“I recognize your techniques by now, even if I don’t always pick up on them immediately,” Shion teased, tilting his head in a slightly clumsy way that very much matched Nezumi’s own bedroom look earlier. Nezumi flipped him off before shimmying out of his pants and underwear. Shion’s grin melted into something sweet and approving. 

“I still think this could benefit you, Nezumi.”

Damn him. “I suppose we’ll have to find out. Step aside, Your Majesty, I’m coming in.”

“It’s—”

“—A drop, I’m well aware, I think I’ll manage—”

“—Wait, Nezumi!”

Nezumi had survived much longer falls, but the frantic way Shion’s hands hooked around his waist was definitely something new. The fall wasn’t even intense enough for Shion to actually catch him—  Nezumi’s feet hit the soft sand of the pond floor in seconds— but that was clearly his intent. The stupid thing in Nezumi’s chest squeezed, and for a moment, he felt oddly weightless, held by Shion in his dumb, half-empty, pond.

“Nice try,” he offered, tilting his head. They were close enough now that he could only fondly stare into one of Shion’s concerned eyes. “I didn’t think you’d actually try to catch me.”

“Well, I didn’t want you to twist your ankle,” Shion replied, warm breath tickling Nezumi’s cheeks. “That happened to—”

Nezumi kissed him, as if he could do anything else. Shion’s fingers curled against his back and scarred-but-healing bodies pressed as close as they could in the damp. 

“Glad you tested out that ladder, I think we’re about to give it some use.”

Shion’s voice was all curiosity. “Wait, how?”

“We could theorize, but I think you’ll enjoy the practical application much more,” Nezumi teased, fingers linking with Shion’s under the water. “Besides, it sounds like I need to show you some new techniques.”

Shion’s wet palm slid against his, displaying all the clumsy confidence Nezumi couldn’t get enough of, as they sloshed forward. 

“I think I can show you a few too, Nezumi.”

Nezumi laughed, pulling him in.

“Maybe next time. I feel like teaching you something for once. Pay attention, okay?”

[charles-leclerc-official]

Drive to Survive Season 6(Luci's version)

How I'd direct DTS season 6.

The drive to Survive Season 6 we all deserve. Netflix ignored so much about 2023 and has stepped up in it's inaccurate portrayals of certain events/teams. So I am doing this.

Drive to Survive is about the narrative and creating contained stories within the broader scope of an entire F1 season. I will make editing choices to create a more tight and cohesive narrative but never anything misleading.

Also this is a Charles blog so yes I will be giving him more screen-time because I want to.

Without further ado, Drive to Survive Season 6 (Luci's Version)

Episode 1 "Away We Go!" : Season intro episode. Seeing all the teams, some highlights from preseason testing, introduce the new faces on the grid.

I will be editing the first half of the episode as most of DTS should be edited, Office style. The drivers are funny together and mess around, we are gonna show them being themselves when not in the car.

Then the second half of the episode will focus on the opening race in Bahrain. With special focus on Max and Fernando's races.

Episode 2 "The Eagle and the Kiwi" : This is the rookie episode!

Of course we will be highlighting Logan and Oscar's rookie seasons. The struggles they faced, the highlights of their seasons. How they got along in the new team.

For Oscar plenty of him being teammates with Lando, early struggles, then cut to him getting his first podium and P1 in the sprint!

Logan can highlight some of the challenges coming from F2 to F1. Of course we would do Austin, talk about his home race, show his improvement and how he developed over the season (Vegas etc)

They are very different rookies however they both improved over the season and we want to show just how cut-throat F1 is and the kind of sink or swim approach rookies face.

Would show some similarities and differences between the two 2023 rookies. And I would get them to give an interview together about their first year in F1 because that would be cute.

Episode 3 "Some Papaya" : Mclaren episode! The theme being the story of their new teammate dynamic between Oscar and Lando, and the chaotic season that ended on some crazy high notes.

First more about how Mclaren has one of the most impressive rookies in Formula 1 history.

Then I have to include lots of footage of Oscar and Lando being silly(for very important entertainment purposes)

Then we dig into the early season failures and how the team made some massive improvements. Montage of the podiums they scored, of course Oscar's sprint win makes a reappearance.

The main idea here being that this team is going somewhere and they are getting closer to being competitive regularly with the other top teams.

Episode 4 "Trouble in Paradise" : The Mercedes episode. Similar to Netflix I would focus in on trouble behind the scenes and the issues Lewis has with the development direction of the car.

Include some of the early Ferrari rumors(will set it up perfectly for season 7 transfer reveal)

Then we go to see that George is struggling still being treated as second to Lewis. Show his season highlights, as well as where he is still making mistakes(Singapore)

Basically this is really digging into the mess that is Mercedes, Lewis unhappy, the plethora of problems with the car, and George getting close to his limit being under Lewis' shadow.

Episode 5 "Civil War" : Stealing Netflix's title, and it's the Alpine episode but I am doing it right.

Will explore the issues Esteban and Pierre had on track. The competition between the two, how that caused tension. Will show their race highlights as well as battles. Emphasis placed on times when them over-competing with each other did not end well.

Then dig a little deeper behind the scenes. Show other issues that went on at Alpine in terms of car development etc.

Of course we want to also show that Este and Pierre have been competing for a long time and have history. Hype of the teammate rivalry. Get them to share silly stories about each other on and off the track.

The theme of the episode would be the idea of how too much internal fighting on the track can be detrimental to the team(calling back to some Ferrari strategies of the past)

Episode 6 "Forza Ferrari" : Yes I am using the same title as Netflix but I am doing it right.

This episode would be most focused on Charles but we would also go over Carlos' season. The theme is the change in management and the upward trajectory of the team and Charles in spite of having a challenging car/season

Start by establishing that Ferrari were fighting the car all season. Show the technical issues, but then show the little improvements made along the way, build up from the DNF in Bahrain to Charles taking P2 back to back at the end of the season. Highlight how much skill it took to do that in a car that had serious reliability and tyre deg issues. Show the Vegas overtake, show his insane "what's the gap between Checo and Russell" moment.

Then of course we will mention Carlos' win in Singapore, how that was a step up in hope for Ferrari, how that aided the team in staying close with Mercedes.

Then finish by focusing on how Fred is taking the team in a new direction, show moments behind the scenes that are in stark contrast to what we saw from Binotto in the past.

The main theme being that this was a season when Ferrari really had to fight a lot with the hand they were dealt as far as the car went, and the team stepped up, actually being true to "Forza Ferrari"

It starts tough, but ends on a hopeful note.

(we will not mention Monza because I would scream)

Episode 7 "More Than Heat" : This episode will focus on several issues in the 2023 season, most notably the Qatar GP, but also the Vegas drain cover incident as well as the impacts to Vegas as as whole.

This is the episode that Netflix would never be allowed to make because it would be highly critical of the money driven incentives behind F1 being put before driver safety and the local impacts.

Include footage and testimony from drivers and their teams talking about the heat, concerns over the dangers. Get an interview with Logan over stepping out of the race.

Then go to Vegas, show how rushed everything was. And then of course highlight how the drain cover was negligent and dangerous. Carlos was lucky, but he was still mildly injured and shaken.

This is the much needed F1 as entertainment above safety episode. It would be the most serious in tone of the season.

Episode 8 "What Happens in Vegas" : This is the Vegas episode!

This will be a race and spectacle centered episode that sets up the tight constructor's race between Ferrari and Mercedes.

Of course I will be highlighting Charles' race here, the overtake, the podium, what it means for him and for Ferrari.

Include plenty of cool night time shots, and also several memorable meme moments (Checo's entrance and the car post race, comedy gold) I want to create drama and entertainment here in the spirit of Vegas, so we get a lot of silly comedic moments then with the dramatic race.

The episode would center around it being one of the most exciting races of the season, highlight Charles, and showcase some of the most tense and best parts of the race.

It also works to set up the stage for the final two episodes.

Episode 9 "Race to Second" : This is the episode about the tight race between Mercedes and Ferrari over the course of the season. With Red Bull clearly in the lead we will look at the close battle that happened in 2023.

Going over the highlights and lowlights for each team, the back and forth, the strategy by both teams to try to stay in the lead, the tension of it coming down to positioning in the last race.

In 2023 this competition was probably the most exciting part of 2023 in terms of competition between teams.

Final moments will be the Abu Dhabi race, Charles radio "what's the gaps between Checo and Russell" a breakdown of what that meant and why it was brilliant.

Ending with the final fallout, of Mercedes just barely beating Ferrari.

Episode 10 "Anything but Inevitable" : The entire season we have barely talked about Max at this point. People are going "WHERE IS MAX?" and as the director that's exactly what I want.

This is Max's episode. Starting with shots form his first F1 race, cutting to his first F1 win, then a montage of all the difficult races, the DNFs, the years where he was getting ahead of himself. Then cut to that first win in Bahrain with an enhanced orchestral interpretation of the Dutch anthem.

The entire episode will focus on his historic his season was. Highlight some of his finest driving of the season, some of the iconic radio moments.

The episode title is meant to highlight the work Max did, everyone likes to think he's always had it easy, that being naturally gifted carries you, that a good car carries you. No, he WORKED and dealt with a lot of bullshit, especially in those early years. He wasn't inevitable, he made his own destiny.

Ending with that final podium shot with a slow piano version of the dutch anthem(for maximum tears) and then cut to some of Max's first F1 interviews talking about where he sees himself going.

End Season